Decisions for the New Year...

I am currently searching out new opportunities for employment... it's a very strange thing. When you have worked at the same place for over eight years you become comfortable there. I know there are other places and other opportunities available but at the same time, it just seems strange. I am praying about this a lot because it's a big decision for me. Is it time to leave this company or just this position? Is it time to branch out and meet all new people and learn new things? 

This morning as I was reading my Bible the portion from Psalms was this:

Psalm 146:1-8:

Praise the Lord!

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

I will praise the Lord as long as I live.

I will sing praises to my God with my dying breath.

Don't put your confidence in powerful people;

there is no help for you there.

When they breathe their last, they return to the earth,

and all their plans die with them.

But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper,

whose hope is in the Lord their God.

He made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them.

He keeps every promise forever.

He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry.

The Lord frees the prisoners.

The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down.

The Lord loves the godly.

It just reminded me of the Truth that I know... that God will take care me and my family. He has a place for me and He knows exactly where He wants me. I have placed my hope in Him so I can be joyful and know that He will take care of everything that concerns me. I don't understand what's going on and why but I do know that He does and really... that's all that matters! So... Praise the Lord! Let all that I am praise the Lord. I will praise Him as long as I live!

May you have a blessed New Year and may it be spent Praising the Lord with all that is within you!

Bonnelle

Fragrance...

When I came into my room tonight at the hotel, I put my stuff down and then went back by my bathroom. There I found a note the housekeeping lady had left for me. It was a piece of paper that stated her name and that she had cleaned my room today. On the top she had hand-written,"Your room smells good" with a smiley face, then at the bottom she had written, "you have a great day" with a smiley face and then a simple, "Thank you". This little gesture brought a smile to my face. Yesterday there was a similar piece of paper but it only had the housekeepers name (which was a different person today). Today, this lady left a personal greeting for me which made it very special and was really a nice touch. As I walked away pondering on this little note, with a smile on my face, I just heard these words, "It's the fragrance of the Lord". This then caused me to search to see if there was a verse that stated something similar since I felt this was the Lord speaking to me. I went on BibleGateway since my concordance didn't have anything on "fragrance" and no matter which version I selected, this verse continued to stand out to me:

2 Corinthians 2:14:

Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of his knowledge in every place.

Diffuses means: "to become widely dispersed, spread out" so this verse would say that through us He spreads out His knowledge in every place we go. 

At first, when I read the whole context of this verse I felt a little condemnation try to get me because I'm not a great witness for God. I mean, I don't publicly speak out like some or stop to witness to a waitress or anything like that. When I tried to explain this to the Lord and to question if I was really hearing His thinking on this matter (because maybe it's just my lotion & hair products after all!) He brought to my mind a few examples...

This morning while I was waiting to head off to work, I spent some time reading my Bible because I woke up with a lot of things on my mind. Right before I left for the day I prayed a prayer for some of those issues. The prayer I prayed diffused His fragrance into the room and was dispersed not only here but it went up to the Father's ears and then also in the direction I was praying. Then, another example He showed me was when I was talking on IM with someone about a HUGE account we were transferring out, she commented on how her last manager told her she was pretty much useless. I was shocked! I proceeded to tell her that wasn't true and that she was always the most helpful and knowledgeable person I knew when dealing with this particular thing. I also told her that when anyone had a question on this type of thing we always send them to her because she would have the answers! She appreciated the words of encouragement and thanked me for them... the fragrance of God was dispersed into her life. A third example the Lord showed me was yesterday when my manager called me and was in tears and felt like an idiot... by the time our conversation ended we had each other laughing. The fragrance of God was dispersed....

So I guess all of this is to say... the fragrance of His knowledge, through praying the word over a situation, or speaking truth instead of lies to someone who is doubting their worth, or bringing laughter into a broken heart... is dispersed into every place through our lives. In going back over this verse I also am reminded that He ALWAYS leads us in triumph in Christ. ALWAYS, wherever He leads us, He leads us in triumph.... 

So thank you Lord for always leading me in triumph and that Your fragrance, Your truth, Your life are dispersed and spread out into every place I go. Please bless this little housekeeping lady in a big way... in as much as she has blessed my life today. May I be a representation of Your fragrance each day and to each person I come in contact with everywhere I go... Amen.

Bonnelle

Comment...

Each day I go to Tammy's blog and I'm amazed... at her strength, at her realness & honesty... I wish at times that I could have had a way to be as vocal and expressive with things that I was feeling in those days & months & years after Gerad's death. I remember journaling afterwards but so many of those entries expressed my frustration with other things going on in my life rather than the grief I was feeling. However, thankfully, by the Grace of God, His Word and the friendships He's brought along the way... I believe He has brought healing to my heart. 

I remember once receiving a card which contained this verse...

2 Corinthians 1:4:

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. 

When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Tonight when I went to post my comment on her blog this came out:

"I understand those moments of not wanting to hurt and yet hurting all over... moments of remembering the good things and then crying over those same memories. I understand the feeling of aloneness that hits in the middle of a crowd of people when you see a child about his age. The peace in knowing he's with Jesus but wanting him here in your arms instead. Grief is a hard process and sometimes it helps that you've been through it before and yet there are other times where it seems like a whole new experience because it's the same but different.

Fortunately... God is the same yesterday, today and forever and His Word is still as true as it was when it was first written 2,000 years ago. His Word says He will never fail you, He will never abandon you and he knows and understands your pain.

I remember the moment when God showed me that He understood my pain... because He lost a son once too...

I pray for a warm blanket of His love to envelope you tonight. I pray for His Grace & Sufficiency to meet you exactly where you need Him most. He holds you in the palm of His hand."

It's interesting... maybe God will use comments like that to continue healing my heart. It's interesting too because as I was writing that out again here I could see each of those moments... right down to the warm blanket. I remember that warm blanket like it was yesterday. 

God is so good isn't He?

It's been awhile...

Yes, it's true... it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I just couldn't... any time I tried it just seemed that whatever I had to say was so trivial in comparison to what Tammy is facing. Even now as I'm writing this I struggle with what to say and is it really important?

The road of loosing someone you love is always so hard and I know it's different for each person.... but the need is still the same. People walking on the road of LOSS need prayer, love and support... and lots of it. Truly though I believe the only thing that can get someone through loosing someone is simply the Grace of God. The Bible states that His Grace is sufficient and that He becomes stronger in our lives through our weaknesses (that's my paraphrase). I love how the Amplified version states it:

2 Corinthians 12:9:

But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness.

His Grace enables us to bear the deep pain of loss. His strength is shown most effectively in our lives when we are at our weakest point.

Lord, let your Grace and strength rest and dwell on Tammy and her family today in a very real and tangible way. Let Your Grace be so strong in her life. I know that You are all she truly needs. You are sufficient, you are more than adequate, you are more than enough for her every moment of her every day. Help her through this journey like I know only You can. Thank You that You continue to hold her in the palm of Your hand.

Bonnelle

thoughts today...

Just a brief post today... 

Please pray for my friend Tammy and her family... Nick went Home to be with Jesus yesterday morning. There will be some hard days ahead so I know she would appreciate continued prayer... Thank you.

Tonight's thankful list...

Tonight I'm thankful for...

 - the anticipation in my daughter coming home from college for Thanksgiving break. I've taken tomorrow off to spend the day with her and I'm looking forward to coffee with my growing up daughter!

 - the Proverbs 31 ministry women. Tonight I stopped over to Renee' Swope's blog (see the blogs I follow on the right hand side) and she left a great reminder that the Lord says I am highly favored and that He is always with me! I'm going to write the verse she referenced on a card and tape it to my mirror so it greets me each morning. It will serve to remind me that no matter what happens at work (or anywhere else I may go that day) that HE says I am highly favored and that He is with me!

 - yummy home cooked meals that my husband loves to make for us!

 - little carousel horses that are treasures from my dear sweet cousin Agnes who is living with cancer. She is an amazing woman whose faith inspires me.

 - that my children are good friends to their friends.

Lord, thank You for down time at the end of the day where I can refocus my thoughts on the good things You have blessed me with. Thank You for Your kindness to me and my family. Thank You for Your great love for me and the reminder that you are always with me.

Bonnelle

... more I'm thankful for...

Today I took a few moments to read the devotional that came to my inbox at work from Proverbs 31 ministries. The devotionals are always so good but today seemed especially so since it was added re-enforcement to yesterday's message and just the whole spirit of Thanksgiving that is upon us all... Today it suggested at the end of each day writing in a journal 5 things you are thankful for and since this is my journal at times... I thought I would list them here. 

Tonight I'm thankful for...

 - my little dog Daisy who is curled up beside me on the couch. She took Josiah's spot when he got up a few minutes ago. Every day I'm thankful for this sweet little dog who came into our lives at a time of tremendous change. 

 - when God takes the crazy things in our lives and turns them around for good. This will never cease to amaze me!

 - the miracle and blessing in that my teenage children talk to me!

 - good neighbors and new friends...

 - the power of prayer and the 'knowing' that God hears and answers our prayers... God is always with us and never leaves us alone. When we call on Him, He will always be there... right by our side. 

Lord, thank You for always being there for us. Thank You that Your hand is always in the midst of things and even when things appear to be crazy and off kilter... You know and understand and will make everything work together for good. Thank You for this reassurance and peace that comes from that truth. 

Thank You also for reminding me this morning that YOU have chosen me. I am Your daughter, your priceless treasure... I am YOURS... and because of this truth, I CAN show others Your goodness since You have called me out of the darkness and into Your marvelous light. Thank You for loving me and always taking care of me and all that concerns me.

...having a heart of gratitude reduces stress... I should find my list of 50 ways to take care of yourself because if being thankful isn't on there, it should be! =) Thank YOU... and have a good night.

Bonnelle

Thankfulness...

'Tis the season for Thankfulness... a time where everyone begins to talk about being thankful and focusing on all the blessings we have been given by God. So as I was sitting here listening to music on iTunes and baking rolls for supper with my sisters tonight I thought I would do a post on:

 What I'm thankful for...

 - my son resides in Heaven at the feet of Jesus. I know he's worshipping and praising God for all eternity and truly, isn't that what we were created for? 

 - my daughter is a beautiful 19 year old young woman who is blossoming and growing in the things of God. She's asking Him for direction in her life and He is opening the doors that He wants her to go through.

 - my 17 year old son is alive and healthy and experiencing life and all that it holds for him. I have seen him grow and mature in the last few weeks in amazing ways and each time I look at him... I'm thankful.

 - my husband who has stuck with me through some of the worst times of our lives... and still loves me in spite of it! =)

 - my job... even though it causes me great stress and some days I just want to walk away... I'm thankful for a job that has been a stable source of income for my family over the last 8 years. That it helped provide the wonderful insurance we needed through Josiah's treatments... and that it truly helps pay the bills.

 - my sisters and brothers... my parents and the heritage we grew up with. There are many times I think of my wonderful Mom & Dad when I see this cute little couple walking in the mall where I work. We have an amazing family and we are truly blessed because we love each other and will be there for each other no matter what.

 - my in-law's who pray for us each day and have prayed for us for years. I pray that one day I will be an amazing mother-in-law and that my daughter-in-law will love me in spite of my many imperfections. My mother-in-law and I have had our rough spots but there is a level of love and respect there that can't be described in mere words. 

 - the gift of this laptop from my Dad and the music that I have playing on it right now... Music has always caused my spirit to soar high above the earthly things that threaten to weigh me down. Thank you Lord for the gift of music.

 - oh and the love of baking I have! =) While it blesses others, each time I receive a Thank You for making cookies or a cake for someone at work... it just blesses me to know that in a little piece of sweetness they have received a little bit of the love of Jesus.

 - the many friends I have and the love and support they are always so willing to give to me.

 - and this beautiful rose I was given today...

Thank you Lord for all these good things you have blessed my life with... and yet there is so much more. Your kindness is so amazing to me. Your grace and strength that is always available to me each and every day... the beauty of a sunrise in the morning and the beautiful sunset I'm seeing paint the sky even now. YOU are truly amazing... and wonderful. "Where would I be without you here in my life?" Thank you for never giving up on me.

Bonnelle

Valuable lesson learned...

Yesterday was a stressful day at the end of a stress filled week. My heart was heavy for multiple reasons but at work I was really feeling it because I was the one to discover another huge error that someone made and I knew it could cost him his job. Since I sit by him, I felt his stress and uneasiness but I also felt for my manager who I knew was catching the heat of the whole ordeal. I had discovered it Thursday afternoon when my manager was gone to a meeting and called her at the end of the day to tell her about it. She worked all day yesterday on getting it taken care of but it still was unresolved at the end of the day. 

At 2:00 I left for my lunch break and was really feeling the weight of everything and as I was walking away I felt impressed to pray for everything. I found myself saying, "Jesus, I cast all of this on to you because I know you care about these people and I know you care about me." I was amazed at how I felt Him begin to calm my nerves and my heart. As I continued to talk to Him and rest in His presence at lunch I had a 'knowing' sense that He knew and He really did care. 

Someone had said to me that this whole thing wasn't my fault...I understood that but at the same time... felt bad for them. Later as I was relaying the day to my husband on the way home I realized that I was carrying the weight of their stress and the stress of everyone around me. I realized that in taking my feelings and the stress to the Lord, I was doing exactly what He wanted me to do... to cast it all on to Him to take care of. I realized in doing so it was much like the error I found... I found it and then took it to my assistant manager and proceed to put the 'resolving' to those who were able to resolve the situation... Prayer is just like that. You find these things that bother you or stress you out or that worry you... in taking it to Him in prayer, you are taking it to the One who CAN resolve the situation and is more than able to take care of everything. In this particular case at work, once I turned it over to them I couldn't take it back, there was nothing more for me to do because it was in the hands of those in authority over me. Prayer is like that too in that once you give it to the Father, it's in the hands of Him who is authority over you and there's no taking it back, there is nothing more you can do. 

Wow... what a concept isn't it? It's just amazing to me because so many times, after I pray for a situation, I take it back and continue to worry about it or try to figure out what else I can to do fix it. Yesterday I realized that when I take it to Him in prayer, everything that concerns me is now in capable hands and He will take care of everything. That's so... freeing and yet at the same time, I admit, it's hard to let go... It's exactly what He wants though. For us to just let go and let Him take care of it. To trust Him with all that concerns us and to rest in the fact that He is more than able to resolve our concerns. 

Lord, help me to let go once I've brought it to you. Help me to release my cares to you moment by moment as I need to. Take all these concerns and day to day stresses and resolve them how you see fit. Help me to trust in Your most capable hands and in your love, grace and kindness. You are truly and awesome God. Amen...

Bonnelle

A timely prayer...

I've been reading this book lately... it was a book I used as a source in my final English paper for this quarter and it's turned out to be enlightening as well as helpful to my own heart. My final paper was on self-injury and those who do it. Not the most uplifting topic and yet, one I felt drawn to over and over. For those of you who are wondering, self-injury is done by young people and it basically is a behavior in which they intentionally harm themselves, typically by cutting or burning themselves. The reason behind it is usually as a release or a way of coping with the issues they are facing. I have always had a heart for teens and this paper only increased that as this behavior is commonly seen in teenagers and young adults.

God brought across my path in the course of my researching on the topic, a book on this subject that was written by a Christian author. It was healing from a Christian perspective for those who hurt themselves. The book is called "Scars that Wound: Scars that Heal" by Jan Kern - I've learned to give credit where credit is due! =) Anyway, as I was reading this book yesterday on my lunch break - my paper is done but I want to finish this book - One of the chapters closed with this prayer:

"God it's hard to take chances and believe that something different and good can be ahead for me. Help me believe. Give me not only a clear picture of the richness of what you have in mind for me, but also a clear understanding of what I have been settling for. Help me want your best for me. Give me the strength and courage to go forward toward it. And when it gets hard, remind me you are with me and will help me succeed. Amen."

Before this prayer she had been talking about how taking the steps toward healing are sometimes difficult and how we have to come to a point of where we learn to trust that God is with us (major summarizing here). The thing that struck me about this prayer and what it spoke to my own heart is a reinforcement of what I've been feeling for sometime... that God is wanting to take me forward in my life and how I struggle sometimes with being comfortable where I'm at. I prayed this prayer and I am still praying it... That God would help me step out and trust His plan for my life and that He would help me trust in the simple truth that He is always there with me and will always help me succeed in following His plan. 

Just thought I would share... Have a great day and may the Lord help you take steps forward in His plan for your life today. 

Bonnelle

#2 in 50 Ways to take care of yourself...

#2 - Cry when you're sad...

I love going to church on Sunday mornings... there's just something about taking time to pause and worship that settles my heart and heals my spirit. I have a paper I need to finish for Tuesday night and I've barely started. I'm planning on working on it today and finishing it up tomorrow night after work. I had gotten up early this morning and had my breakfast and read my Bible and then was working on this thought I had for my paper. When it was time to leave for church the thought was there to continue working on my paper instead but I said, "No, I need to take time out to go to church because that's more important. If I take time out for God and worship then I know He will help me write this paper the way it should be written." 

During the service our Pastor went into this story about a 4 year old little boy who's appendix had ruptured and he was in a coma for several days. Our Pastor couldn't remember if the little boy had died and they brought him back but when he woke up he was talking about Heaven. At first, the little boy's story wasn't believed and the things he said were brushed aside. Later though... when the boy was 8 he was walking through his living room and was talking about the angels and how they sing all the time in Heaven. His mom stopped him then and she began to ask him questions.... and I began to cry. The little boy told of how the angels sing all the time. How he met his sister - he had never been told he had a sister because she died before he was born - he described her and then said that the Father had adopted her and that He took care of her. And he had met 'Pop' - his Grandpa and pointed him out in pictures they had.

By now I was no longer able to wipe away the tears. All I kept hearing the Lord whisper to me was "cry when you need to" over and over. I realized that in the sharing of that story the Father was speaking to my heart and giving me a glimpse of what Gerad experiences in Heaven. It was a reassurance that the Father is taking care of Gerad but then He showed me how He's also taking care of Brittney and Josiah. He's speaking to them and teaching them things too and He's revealing His heart and His plans and purposes for their lives and... it's okay because HE is taking care of them. They will be okay. There was a healing that took place in those moments this morning. A releasing of tears... tears due to missing Gerad in that moment and his little 4 year old voice and thoughts. Tears for missing my parents. Tears too for my teenagers who are growing up and are making lives of their own. There were tears also though because in the background the worship team had begun to sing a song that includes these words:

You are the Maker of Heaven,

You've turned my world around.

You're making all things new again,

You are God alone.

Tears in knowing that God has turned my world around in the last 10 years. He has made a lot of things new in my life and daily He is continuing the work He has started. He is the Maker of Heaven and Earth and in the falling of the leaves and the coming winter season... He causes things to die so that there may be new life and new growth in the Spring... In the death... there is life... After Gerad's death we moved here to Omaha to start a new life. After my Dad's death a dream was brought to life - the dream of writing and developing that by taking classes again (which had also been a dream). I know that my Father, the Maker of Heaven and Earth is guiding my steps and I know that He is making all things new in me. Today, he helped me shed some tears that needed to be cried but at the same time, He renewed my Hope in that He has everything under control and He will take care of everything that concerns me.

I just thought it was cool how God spoke to my heart today and wanted to share.... Thanks! =)

Bonnelle 

My Prayer...

Tonight as I was reading my Bible before going to bed this passage spoke words that echo from my heart:

Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning

for I am trusting You.

Show me where to walk,

for I give myself to You...

Teach me to do Your will,

for You are my God.

May Your gracious Spirit lead me forward

on a firm footing.

Psalm 143:8 & 10

Daily, as I'm  learning how to make adjustments to be less stressed I find myself asking the Lord for His wisdom and that He would lead me on His path. I desire His peace. I desire His leading, to be led forward on firm footing. To KNOW which path to take. I find it's a daily asking, a daily trusting, and a daily.... breathing in of His peace and presence. God is good and He never leaves me hanging... He doesn't disappoint. He's always right there and I'm so thankful.

In the list of 50 Ways to Take Care of Yourself there is one suggestion that states "read a book" so today I read a portion of three books! =) I read my Bible, a portion of a book for my current research paper and a portion of a book on managing stress. I have been enlightened by the Word, touched by the pain young people face and have realized I have given into the "unspoken pressure to put in face time" at work. 

Lord, show me where to walk for I give myself to You. Show me Your way to de-stress. Open my eyes to the hurt around me and help me to realize that it's okay to 'cease striving' and be still.

Bonnelle

Tonight...

So... it's true... I haven't blogged for a while. I've been slightly overwhelmed to say the least. Work has been crazy stressful to the point where I had a melt-down last Friday and was in tears before 8:30 in the morning! My managers tried all day to get me out of there early but to no avail. I was there until 6:30 that night. Saturday wasn't much better as I went to class and had another student asking me questions which ended up irritating me to no end when I realized he was cheating off me. I was trying to fix something that I had worked a long time on last week which hadn't saved and this guy was asking me questions and I was frustrated. I tried to go get a manicure and pedicure to relieve some of my tension and ended up yelling at the Payless shoe guy! I was so stressed out that I was concerned.

After meeting with some friends over the last couple of days I went to see my Doctor today and he thinks it's just stress related and advised me to work less and rest more. This is hard for me because I'm an over-achiever and I'm wired with responsibility as one of my strengths! =) As I write this though... I see how I bought into the lie that to be a good employee I had to work harder than the rest. I bought into the lie that it was my responsibility to hold everything together in my family as well as at work. I believed that I HAD to keep up and to not... meant I had failed or let people down. In the mean-time the stress has built up on the inside of me to where it finally boiled over last week.

While I was waiting for the nurse to come in and draw some blood after my appointment I began to read this deal that was on the wall. It was titled, "50 Ways to Take Care of Yourself"... I had Doug start writing them down for me because I felt like I should make it a goal to do one of these things each day for the next 50 days. It's hard for me to do things for myself because I've believed it was 'selfish' and wrong (yet another lie)... The thing is... taking care of yourself doesn't necessarily mean spending money or that it's wrong to take time to breathe. I'm reminded of Jesus taking time to spend with the Father each day... He would slip away by himself and spend time with the Lord. It was a refueling time for Him. It was time away from the busy-ness of life to regroup and refocus. I believe that Jesus is telling me to take some time to refocus and to breathe... So for tonight I begin with the first one on the list.

Rest when you are tired. I think I'm going to go lay down in my bed (even though it's only 9:00) and I'm going to read until I fall asleep. Good night all... 

Bonnelle

Movement...

God has been changing me one little piece at a time. I marvel at how I look back even over the course of the last week or so and I know... in my heart... He's been moving.

One way has been through the classes I'm taking. The research papers are challenging to say the least! Why? I find that in having to come up with a topice - especially for English class - we have to pick topics we're interested in. Each time we've had to pick a new topic, I've struggled! Each time I find myself asking, "What am I interested in? What am I interested in enough to do research on and write about?" I think for SO long... I have thought what others have thought and haven't really explored what I thought. For example, our final project in English is to write an 8-10 page paper and after I got done being overwhelmed by the size I labored over the possible topic. The first thing that came to my mind was that I could write on this organization that Josiah is interested in because it would help me learn more about it... but then... I realized... it's a topic that HE's interested in... what am I interested in? I'm still searching that out but I thought it was interesting how God was using this class to expand my thinking and causing me to think 'outside the box' of everyone else's thoughts and interests.

The other thing I have noticed God working on is... things I have taken ownership of over the years. For example, the bills... I have always done the bills in our house. I took them on when we first got married because I had lived on my own and was used to it. Over the years, it just stuck. I liked writing out the checks and checking each one of the list. There were times though where this whole process was very stressful for me but because I had taken ownership of them, I felt like it was my responsibility... to make sure they were paid each month and paid on time. For a very brief period I tried to let go and let Doug handle all of that but then Josiah got sick. During that time I was home taking care of Josiah, it was easy for me to pick them back up again. 

About a month or so ago God began speaking to me about giving the bills up again except this time I had to really let go. This was a struggle for me and God and I had many conversations about it. The Sunday He spoke to me in the service that He would take care of me... was the final conversation I had with Him on it. I knew... I had to give this thing up because God was telling me to... He clearly told me that this was something that was not my responsibility and that I needed to hand this over to Him and to Doug. I was hindering Doug in being the head of our home... my pride in feeling that I could do it better... was wrong. I had taken ownership and I had to let go. The Lord telling me over and over again that He would take care of me was what I needed to hear. I could let go knowing that no matter what, God would take care of me. At one point He said, "It's to bring you freedom"... and in that moment, I let go. What's amazing is... I don't have to worry about making the ends meet any more! It HAS brought me freedom! It's been wonderful when a thought has come up about a bill or if we have enough to pay everything... I can say, that's not my responsibility any more. I don't have to be concerned about it because God is taking care of it... because Doug is taking care of it.

Even with working over-time.... I was going to work last Saturday morning before class. There was the over-time pay plus a $50 gift card as incentive. I was thinking about how nice the extra on my paycheck would be and what I could do with the gift card... but I heard God say, "That's not your responsibility". I argued and said, "but"... and agreed to work. Well, a funny thing happened... my alarm didn't go off Saturday morning! I'm sure I set it the night before but at some point, I must have shut it off without realizing it... or maybe God did! Needless to say I slept late and by the time I woke up it wasn't worth trying to get down to work because I wasn't going to put in enough hours to get the gift card. So instead, I made pancakes (which I haven't made since vacation!). It was a wonderful morning. 

Sorry for my ramblings but I just wanted to say I'm thankful that God is changing me one little piece at a time. I'm thankful that He is setting me free from things I've held onto for a lot of years. I'm thankful that He's patient with me and that He knows... sometimes it takes me awhile to come around to what He's saying. I'm thankful that in spite of my compulsiveness... He loves me and longs to set me free! I know there's many more areas to come but He knows the right time-table to do it in.

What are some things that God is changing in you? 

My thoughts today...

This verse always stops me...

Romans 12:2

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world,

 but let God transform you into a new person 

by changing the way you think. 

Then you will learn to know God's will for you, 

which is good and pleasing and perfect.

I don't know about you but sometimes it's easy to see the way things are done in the world and before you know it, they become a habit or a part of your life. For example, the latest fashion style or attitudes towards others or the things we are told are fun... we conform and don't realize we've conformed. 

The Lord seems to use this verse to grab me and pull me back... and I wonder, what things have I allowed myself to copy? What behaviors and customs have I picked up and adopted as my own? "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think". Such powerful words... and then it goes on to tell us that by God changing the way we think... we come to know what His will is for us. His will is good and pleasing and perfect but we don't see that when we follow the customs and behaviors of the world. In fact, we might tend to see God's way of thinking as restrictive if we listen to what the world says....

Lord, transform me into a new person by changing the way I think. Draw me up short when I'm falling into the behaviors and customs of this world. Make me aware of those things that pull me away from you and the path which is good and pleasing and perfect. 

Bonnelle

Before I lay me down to sleep...

I really need to go to bed but just wanted to post a little something first... and addition, if you will, to the word I received on Sunday...

You know how God woke Samuel up in the middle of the night to speak to him? It probably wasn't a real 'convenient' time in Samuel's mind. I'm sure to some... to be awakened in the night by the Lord, we would say, "God, can't we discuss this in the morning?!"  or maybe some would wake up automatically and be alert and ready to listen. I'm not sure how I would be if that happened to me but I was willing, if that's when the Lord wanted to speak to me about things. Today, however, it wasn't in the middle of the night... no, it was in the middle of the day when the Lord began to speak to me. The middle of a rather frustrating day... the Lord started showing me things that I have been carrying and why. As I started to cry I was asked a question by a co-worker so my focus had to turn from the moment I was in with God to the issue she was dealing with instead. I quickly answered her question and then headed off to the restroom. To be honest, it was one of those times where I was like, "Now Lord? You chose to show me this stuff now?" As I struggled to regain my composure before heading back to my desk I realized once again that the Lord doesn't always go according to our time schedules or when we would like Him to speak to us. He chooses the moment and He chooses the topic. 

I have only touched the surface of the issue that He began to reveal to my heart but I know in time... as I'm able to write more on it, I know He will reveal so much to me. I ask for your prayers... pray that my ears would be open to hear His voice when HE chooses to speak. Pray that in those moments I tune in to hear all that He has to say. Pray that He creates the opportunity to not only start but to complete the work in me that He is trying to do... and pray that my spirit remains willing. 

Thank you and good night... 

Bonnelle

His Heart spoken to me...

Today has truly been a day of rest. I've been tired all week and then Friday night I was up really late talking with Josiah... had a really busy day yesterday and knew at some point I was about to crash... Today was the day. You know it's part of God's design that we have a day of rest and I read it again this morning when I was reading my Bible. There are many passages in the Old Testament where it talks about the Sabbath day, keeping it holy, a day to rest and just focus on God... There are blessings to taking a Sabbath and there are consequences to not. It was the same for their fields. He required every seventh year they give their fields a rest. When they did, they were blessed and when they didn't, there were consequences. Today... it's so easy to get caught up in the 'doing' of everyday life that we forget about taking time to just rest and focus on Him... at least that's the case for me. However, even as I read this particular passage this morning, and as the Lord nudged my heart, I told him about the paper I have to finish tonight because I have dinner plans tomorrow night and this is another busy week Lord.... and I was stopped in my list and I just felt Him say, "Remember the Sabbath"... 

So this morning, I went to Church and during our worship service there was a time to go forward for prayer. We as a body have been fasting this week and it was just a way to end the fast if you wanted additional prayer for what you had been praying for this week. I went forward and you know... it's always so cool when a stranger prays for you and speaks things to you that only God knows about. It somehow makes the prayer... more  significant and... powerful. This woman that I have never met before just prayed this beautiful prayer that really spoke to my heart. At one point she touched this muscle in my shoulder that is always tense from stress and she just lightly rubbed it and spoke God's heart to me... It was powerful because He was telling me to write about the things I've been carrying... and I just cried... and once again, felt His great love for me. There was so much she/God spoke to me that was just so personal... so God. 

Anyway... so then after lunch I took a nap. Mind you, I was only planning a short nap... I slept for 4 hours!! Like I said, I crashed! =) Afterwards, I still feel tired but I also feel like I did exactly what God wanted for me to do today... REST. 

I guess I share all this because... the Lord spoke to my heart today and I wanted to share a little bit with you about what He told me. I get busy... I'm sure we all do. Today though, He reminded me to rest... and He reminded me that He has called me to write. I see it as a God-given thing that He has placed on the inside of me. I don't know if it will ever reach anyone else but for me... it's therapy and through writing... He speaks to my heart. 

If you haven't rested today... there's still time. Take the time to just rest and focus on Him. Listen to His heart for you... He will speak if you take the time to listen.

Bonnelle 

Another week....

Another week has gone by and I realized I haven't posted anything for a while. My apologies to those who faithfully check in from time to time. I guess you could say part of my absence was due to the homework I have but another part was due to concerns that came about as a result of things I've written... so I took a break to re-evaluate. I've come to a point though, where I see writing is 'therapy' for me. It helps me get out what I'm thinking, feeling, or even hearing God talk to me about. Every time I post on this little site... God always brings revelation to me on something I've been pondering on. It's kind of cool actually. This "tool" that He brought into my life as a result of a life-changing event... has opened up my heart and 'voice'. 

For so long I have felt that God had things to say through my words... I still believe it's true. "What would you have me share tonight Lord?" I ask... Tell them, "My love for them is very deep... even deeper than the deepest ocean." Sometimes it's hard for me to grasp such love and yet... there are so many times I can feel His love for me and the nearness of HIM. He is so great, so awesome, so far beyond what my little words can describe and yet... He loves ME and I know He loves you too. Isn't that cool?! The God of the universe, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, loves us. Sometimes, I'm amazed at the love and compassion I feel towards people because it must be only a fraction of the love He feels for us. Amazing!

Psalm 89:1-2

I will sing of the Lord's great love forever;

with my mouth will I make Your faithfulness known through all generations.

I will declare that Your love stands firm forever,

that you established Your faithfulness in Heaven itself.

He is faithful and His love endures forever... May you feel His love and faithfulness towards you today and tomorrow and forever.

Bonnelle

I will take care of you...

These are such... secure words. The Lord whispered to me on several occasions yesterday and each time, they brought tears and a feeling of... peace... security.... and a knowing that once again, I'm in the Hands and arms of the Father.

The thing is... accepting this words requires... trust on my part. Do I trust Him to take care of me? Can I release everything, once again, into His care? Do I really trust Him to take care of me? That's what He requires... that I trust Him. He's been doing a shifting in my life lately and I'm not really sure where He's taking me. I feel there is nothing left for me to do but to trust Him and to trust He has the best in mind for me. I have to admit... there's an element of fear. So many times in my life when words like this have been spoken... something big has happened. "Don't be afraid." He whispers to my heart. "I will take care of you."

I will take care of you...

Jesus, You've never let me down before... even through the big storms of life, You've always been there and yes, You have always taken care of me. So I take a deep breath of Your peace and I say... I will trust You to take care of me. In what ever lies ahead... I trust You will take care of me. Help me to lean on and rely on You in any and every circumstance and situation. Help me to remember Your promise... "I will take care of you".

Bonnelle

Things revealed...

So... today I spent some time traveling the long road of regret... I know... bad path to follow. However, one time during my pondering and praying, talking to Jesus and listening for His voice... He brought this revelation...

"You can't go back and fix even one day of the past. All you can do is invest in today and what lies ahead." It was really amazing if you think about it. And then, through a snippet of conversation with my daughter, she mentioned the Isrealites and the Lord spoke to me about them too... they were stuck in the past. They kept looking back to Egypt and were wanting to go back. They were mad at God for "bringing them out to the wilderness to die". Well, if they wouldn't have continually looked back, maybe they wouldn't have died in the wilderness! What I realized was that all they did was moan and complain about where they were and what "wonderful" things they had left behind. They kept forgetting the bondage they were in and the provision that God kept bringing to them on a daily basis. They were stuck and didn't keep their focus forward! If they would have thanked God for His faithfulness, trusted Him, and put one foot in front of the other... maybe there would have been more than just Joshua and Caleb that went into the Promised Land.

I want to move forward into all that God has for me. I don't want to keep looking back because all that was behind is truly behind me. God is for me and He's before me... Jesus, I trust in You. I trust that all that has been behind was for a reason and a purpose. I trust You to continue to work it all together for good and for Your glory. I will trust in Your leading and guiding... I here by place my hand in Yours and I will put one foot in front of the other. I will follow where You lead me. Take hold of my hand and lead me according to Your plans and purposes. Lead me and use me for Your glory. 

You are awesome Lord and I love you very much.

Bonnelle

Personal Narratives...

Today, I finished my first writing assignment for my English Comp class. I had to write a Personal Narrative on an event that shaped my life. I wrote on when Josiah was diagnosed with Leukemia. As I sat next to him in the truck this morning on the way to church and again at lunch... I once again marveled at the goodness of God. I am so thankful for His kindness to me in healing Josiah's body and sparing his life. I honestly don't believe that I could have handled the loss of a second child. I continue to pray and believe that cancer is no longer a part of his body and praise the Lord for His healing touch. 

It was kind of interesting to me that Josiah's Leukemia would be what I would write on. I've always thought my writing would be geared more towards the loss of a child and how that affected me. In this moment though, I sense that God is wanting this piece of my story to come out as well. I realize also, that I haven't ever written much about Josiah's Leukemia, even on this little blog. So allow me a few minutes to practice my writing on this major event in my life.

Josiah is my very tall 17 year old son. He was diagnosed with Leukemia in September of 2003 when he was 12. He had discovered flag football that summer and enjoyed every minute of it and at the time, wanted to go on to play football for real. However, life took a turn and the world of hospitals, Doctors and needles entered our life instead. 

He had complained of  headaches and had several severe bloody noses but these were easily explained away due to playing hard or dry weather or maybe he had allergies. One morning he came to me and said he felt a lump on his neck but I was headed out the door so I thought he had just slept on it wrong and it was probably just a knot that would work itself out. Several days later though, he said to me, "Mom, that lump is still there and I think I feel more than one now." At these words, I paused and actually felt what he was talking about and instantly knew, this was not a knot we were dealing with. 

After blood work and a biopsy it was determined to be cancerous in nature and we were sent to Children's Hospital. Our Doctor took one look at him and knew by the little red dots that had formed just since surgery that it was Leukemia we were dealing with. She assured us that Leukemia was easier to treat and there was a higher success rate but that we had to get started on treatments right away. We began a three and a half year treatment plan with chemo, blood and platelet transfusions and a lot of hospital visits. He's been done now and cancer free for a year and a half and again, I'm so very thankful. Josiah is a handsome young man and I'm very proud of him.

This then causes me to say a prayer for my friend Tammy and her son Nick. Nick still battles with cancer and daily they journey through the world of Doctors and nurses, needles and radiation. Lord, I ask for healing for Nick like you have given Josiah. Bless Nick with health and wholeness and fill his heart with Your peace. Strengthen the whole family with Your strength and may they rest in Your unfailing love for them. In Jesus' Name... Amen.

Bonnelle

New this week...

So I noticed this morning that I haven't posted all week! OOpps!  This post will be an update on things.

I really enjoy my English Comp class! What an amazing opportunity God has given me... to be able to learn more about writing and how to improve on something I enjoy! This week our class wrote a five short paragraphs on five events that have shaped our lives with one being our births. We then broke up into little groups. We had to share our paragraphs and then the other members of our group would choose which event they would like to hear more about. It was so interesting to hear little bits and pieces of my fellow students lives. To get a glimpse into where they have been and the things they feel have shaped their lives. 

Isn't God amazing? He takes these things that happen in our lives and uses them to shape us and mold us. Through our losses, we become more compassionate... like Him. One girl experienced racial prejudice throughout her childhood and at one point, she was able to have a diverse group of friends. She learned to accept people for their differences and I thought... how like God that is. He accepts us just as we are and I believe He loves the diversity of His children. You learn things when you listen to others... not just about them, but also about the character of God. I sat and listened to the stories and just thought about how much God loves each of them. He's put me in the middle of this group... to reach out and touch them with His love.

Oh Lord, that I would seize this opportunity, not just for my own gain and learning... may it also be a time where I can touch their lives and show them how much you love them. That You didn't leave her alone every time her heart was broken but that You were there loving her and holding her. Help me show them that even in the midst of their losses, You were there. Let me be... Your hands extended and may I speak Your words.

In Your Name, Amen.

Bonnelle

Cool picture...

So Thursday as I was having another crazy day in the neighborhood at work, I was walking and had the thought, "Life is such a roller-coaster!" and the Lord just began to unpack that for me... Now, it's been a very long time since I've been on one but I still remember the thrill and the fear all wrapped into one!

What I began to see was sitting in the seat and the 'arms' come down over the top of you to strap you in. The Lord showed me how His arms come down over the top of us to cover us and hold us in His care all through our lives. I then felt the wonder of a child... "What will happen next?!" and realized, we're just like that in life, at least I am, always wondering what's next? What does God have in mind for my life? Where are we headed? All those questions have been going through my head this week. 

Sometimes in our lives there's this slow moving along - like when you're first coming out of the gate - and you feel the comfort of those arms around you and you feel so safe and secure. There's also times of where you feel like it's taking so long to get somewhere!  Then other times there is this climb to the mountain top of the Lord where your relationship builds or where you can feel an expectation of something about to happen (are you climbing on the roller-coaster with me?) and then, all of a sudden, things plunge... life changes and fear comes because you feel like the bottom has dropped out of your life and your scared! 

I was thinking about the shakes that we feel as we're moving along on the track of the roller-coaster and how it could symbolize the everyday little bumps we feel of personalities around us or the little things that irritate us and shake us up. 

Then... as I was picturing all of this in my head and coming to the end of the roller-coaster ride I thought about how cool it is to know that all through the ride, those 'arms' hold you in and keep you safe and secure. How at the end, you know your done and you survived and you breathe a sigh of relief... How like life that is... you come through a huge change or storm in your life and you realize that all the while the Lord's arms were holding you and keeping you safe. That He was right there all along, even when it felt like everything was upside down! He never leaves us and He will never let go.

What was so powerful in this to me was that was kind of how my week was. Tuesday night, I was so excited beyond belief about my first English class and how much I like the instructor and how I'm looking forward to writing and learning more about writing. It was such an amazing feeling of knowing... This is so cool! Then Wednesday, things took a turn and I was greatly disappointed by not getting a job that I had so hoped for, believed for, wanted SO badly. I really had to work through all those feelings and emotions. Then I was asking the Lord, "What's next?", "Where do I go from here?", "What's up ahead for me?", "Why do you want me to stay here longer when I thought you were moving me forward?" but as He gave me this picture... and even yesterday as I was coming to the end of my week, I just felt the Lord's loving arms around me and I just had the feeling that even though I don't know what's ahead, He does and He's always with me. He won't ever leave me alone. What a comfort to know that He has held me securely through this little roller-coaster ride this week. What an awesome...peace I have at the present moment! I know... that no matter what, everything will be OK. He hasn't stopped leading and directing me and I still feel a peace in decisions I've made recently. He has a plan, He has a purpose, and He will always hold me... securely in His arms! 

I just love Him so much and I'm so grateful that He's with me on this journey called life. His love is amazing!

Bonnelle

Happenings...

So... today I found out the disappointing news that I was not selected for the Event Coordinator position. I haven't heard directly from HR yet but I did chat with my friend in the department (she was one of the first interviewers) about it. She said they would probably be contacting me soon. Yes, I was disappointed and all those questions came crashing in for a moment... "Why wasn't I good enough? What was I lacking? Isn't my work and dependability enough?" As I mulled over these questions and more I went for a walk this afternoon to think and pray. At one point my heart cried out, "Why wasn't I chosen" and I heard the whisper of the One who loves me the most, "You were chosen for I have chosen you" and my verse from She Speaks jumped out before me (written above). I heard these words:

"You ARE a chosen woman for I have chosen you. I have chosen you to be My holy daughter. You are Mine. I have chosen you to show others My goodness, love and faithfulness. Just because this one person didn't choose you, always remember that I have chosen you."

His love is enough for me... I know that He has a plan in all of this. I know that the 7 wasn't for me and that stopping was right for me & my family. I know that He has good plans for me and that while this door may have closed, another one will open. I just have to keep watching and waiting for His perfect timing. I'm thankful that He knows what is best for me and He knows what I can handle. 

For now... I will stay in my current job. I will thoroughly enjoy my English class and all that I will learn from it. I will continue to Praise Him for His goodness and His wisdom. I have asked Him to guide and direct my steps according to His plans and purposes for my life so I will trust in His leading because His way is the best way I should take.

Bonnelle

New things...

I'm SOOO excited! Tonight was the first night of my English Composition class!! 

For those of you that are not aware, I attended a writer's conference in June and came home with the intent of enrolling in an English class to further my writing abilities. At one point, I thought this goal was going to have to wait until December but then God re-directed things and walked me through this door now. When I went a couple of weeks ago and registered... I can't explain the feeling that came over me as I walked out. I was excited beyond belief! It was such a great feeling of KNOWING I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do.

Tonight as I walked in and took a seat in the front row I just grinned! It was like a dream come true for me. I want to be a good writer and I want to be able to share my story in a way that glorifies God. I am so looking forward to learning more about writing and how to improve my writing skills. 

One thing that was also cool about all of this is, when I was looking at English classes and such, I began to feel that I could apply this to a degree as well so... I will be taking a second class on Saturday afternoons to improve my keyboarding skills. This shouldn't be too tough for me since I'm on the computer ALL the time but I'm sure there are still things I will learn. These two classes will help me work toward an Associates degree as an Administrative Assistant. Once I'm done, I will be able to go anywhere the Lord may lead. For now, though, I hope it will help me at my current job as well as the Event Coordinator position I've applied for and hope to get.

All in the Lord's leading and timing... Still, I'm SO excited about this little step in furthering my writing!! So get ready... there are about to be new and improved posts on this little blog!!

Good night all and may you be richly blessed like I have been tonight!

Bonnelle

Amazed...

Lord I'm amazed by You. 

Your goodness and grace overwhelm me at times. I went to my friend Renee's blog this morning because I read her story on how she found God's unconditional love yesterday and wanted to leave a post there on my experience. However, as I read through all the posts of the previous 29 women, I was blessed and left without words. All I could do was praise Him for His wonderful love and grace! 

Even now I sit in awe of Him. How He could love us SO much and how His mercies continue to be new each morning. How He takes the time to guide and direct each of our steps and He watches over us with great care. I'm just so amazed by Him. 

This has been a rough week for me... stress level has been high but I find it's been that way for a lot of people. Thank you Lord for a 3 day weekend to just sit and be still at Your feet. To take time to rest and just BE. Thank You for Your love and grace that carries each of us daily. Bring rest to those who need Your rest, peace to those who need peace and comfort for those in need of comfort. Draw us to Your side and fill us up with Your love. 

I just am SO amazed by You.

Wednesday ponderings...

Good morning, 

So I have noticed my posts have been rather wordy lately! I'll try to make this shorter... (it will be since I need to get ready for work!)

My thoughts today of course are with my friend Tammy and her son Nick as their battle continues. This morning as I commented on her blog I shared this passage with her:

Joshua 1:14-15:

But your strong warriors, fully armed, must lead the other tribes across the Jordan to help them conquer their territory. Stay with them until the Lord gives them rest, as He has given you rest, and until they too, possess the land the Lord your God is giving them. 

That would be why God brings us through difficult times in our lives... so we can then turn around and, fully armed with the armor of God, help bring them through to their land of rest. I'm standing firm with Tammy by her side even though I'm miles upon miles away from her. I wonder... who does God want you to stand with until they find their land of rest?

Love,

Bonnelle

Tuesday reflections...

As I've been pondering on what the Lord revealed to me over the last seven days of our Jericho march/walk I've gone back through the passages and noted scriptures that spoke to me. I journaled some last week but this is like a new perspective... I feel... reflective on what the Lord has done in my own heart over the past seven days. 

Joshua 1:3 & 5:

"Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you ... I will not fail you or abandon you."

I have an interview tomorrow for the Event Coordinator position that I've applied for at work. Yes, this is the job I would really like to get. It would be something totally different from what I've been doing the last 8 years and it would be a fun way to take the strengths and talents that God has placed on the inside of me and use them in new ways. This is the 'first round' interview and I feel fairly confident with this one because I'm friends with one of the people who will be doing the interview and I know she really wants me to get this job. The big one though will be the 'second' interview which will be with the actual guy that I would be working for. I pray that I will find favor in his eyes and that he would choose me.

Today when I was reading this passage again after work it stood out to me yet again. I just felt the Lord speaking to me to let me know that I can take a deep breath and just trust Him in this. I don't want to stay where I'm at. I want to cross over to new places and new things I believe God desires to give to me. I want to follow Him in everything I do, even in my job. 

If you have read other posts of mine you would have seen that work has been rather stressful for me lately. Today as I was walking and praying during my lunch the Lord showed me how He's brought me to a point of where I don't want to stay in my department any longer and He's provided a way out by having me train two other associates on my job and all I have become really good at. I've been working on a huge project with several other departments and that is now implemented and the new process is being worked and has gone well so far (on our end). Now, my day basically consists of doing little things to help out my Manager and Assistant Manager and those things will soon be done by other people as well. The timing is amazing and gives me great hope that this new job is already mine.... it's the waiting that is always hard. During the waiting, the enemy comes in and says, "What if they don't choose you, then what will you do?" I've backed out of the Series 7 (I haven't turned the book in and my manager has me on a 'sabbatical' while she's on vacation but Monday when she comes back I'm turning in my book. When the enemy whispers in my ear that question I waver momentarily but then I come back to this verse. 

Daily, sometimes moment by moment, I have to put on the full armor of God.

Ephesians 6:13-18:

Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor (breastplate) of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Last Wednesday I had to actually go into a room at work and walk through putting the armor of God on. I was about to be offered a position I didn't want and I felt I was about to let down my Senior Manager (who was my manager for the majority of the time I've worked there). I didn't want to let him down but at the same time I didn't want what he was about to offer. I had to tell him before they made their final selections and I panicked for a few minutes (and cried a little). I went into this little room and cried and prayed and then the Lord began to speak to my heart about why I was feeling this way and that I needed to stand up and put my armor on so I could stand firm in this situation. I did just that and as I put each piece on and this wave of peace flooded over me and God gave me the words to say and I knew there was no way I could do anything else but turn him down! It was really a powerful moment for me. I went out and went to his desk and we went to go talk about it. I explained my feelings and he wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing and when he could see my mind was made up he was fine with it and said he would pull my name out of the running. He did tell me though that I had interviewed very well and that I was at the top of the list. I thanked him for his confidence in me and he went on to tell me that if I was interested in any other positions to be sure and let him know and if there was anything he could do to help me out, he would do it. I told him about this other position I have applied for that and even though I don't think he has much sway with this other guy it really helped me to know he supported me. I walked out of that room standing firm and it was such a wonderful feeling.

When the enemy tries to come in and whisper the "what if's" to me... I have to just go back to this verse and put on the armor all over again. The peace comes back and I know I can trust the Lord to be with me in the interviews that lie ahead. I believe he has given me this position and I look forward to new territory.

If you're reading this and the devil whispers the "what if's" in your life and situations, I encourage you to put on the full armor of God and in doing so, the Lord will empower you with His peace and assurance that He is with you and will not fail you or abandon you.

Love,

Bonnelle