Saturday, February 26, 2011


I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time... partly because of school and being really busy but also... partly because I believed the lie that told me my words don't really matter. I tend to use this place... this "private" little place to bear my heart... to share things I don't normally talk about... to blab about things that are going on in my heart and my head. However, I think to a certain extent... not writing has caused me to lock up my heart.

I woke up feeling every bit the failure this morning. I had started the month of February determined to do a cleanse for my body in the midst of doing two different Bible studies, one on the fruit of the Spirit and one from the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. I wanted to find the reasons behind why I eat the way I do, the feelings that drive me to eat as well as to get healthy and lose weight. I did really well for the first couple of weeks and felt it was really easy to stick to but then... I started to slide back into my old habits. To me, it is a parallel to school. I started the semester ready to be focused and in the beginning it seemed really easy and I was on track with studying and then... I started to slide. Why can't things in life just be easy? A dear friend told me the other night that this process wasn't going to be easy and I realized... it wouldn't be a challenge if it was easy... it wouldn't bring growth if it was easy... and it wouldn't bear fruit in my life if it was easy.

As I was feeling like a failure this morning, a failure for sliding off the healthy wagon... a failure for struggling on my tests... a failure for not trusting God in EVERY area of my life and the lives of my family... I heard God speak to my heart, "Be strong and courageous and do the work."

While I was having my quiet time in this little corner of Panera, He brought me back to those words so I have been sitting quietly... listening. I hear two things... the voice of my Heavenly Father telling me (in a firm, Fatherly voice) not to whine and complain about how hard it may seem... to stick with it... to do the work that is required. But I also hear the gentle whisper of His voice telling me to be strong and courageous... to not be afraid because He is right here with me.

1 Chronicles 28:20
David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

Oh for the grace... to trust You more.

I'm not really sure why I wrote all of this... maybe it was just necessary to begin again. I'm not sure if anyone reads this blog any more and if not... that's okay. I'm just thankful for a place where I can "voice" the thoughts that roll around on the inside of my head.

Thanks for "listening".