Wednesday, April 29, 2009

God has a plan...

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord... 11 years ago God spoke this verse to my heart so loud and so clear... it got me through the most difficult time of my life... the loss of our son. Many times over the course of the years He brings it back to my rememberance... as a reminder that no matter how things look, He has a plan. Sometimes though, I don't always see it when I am in the midst of the terrible storms of life.... 

In looking back over the last several months, after I cried all the tears, there were many times I struggled but in the struggling part of me tried to see God in the midst of everything. Even though I didn't understand... somewhere I knew that God MUST have a plan in this. There are some things I still don't understand but slowly I am beginning to see some good come of this. Like, my friend's husband now works with a man who is a Christian and has lunch with him every day. That was the most amazing thing to me and it blessed me so much! 

After interviewing for another department almost three weeks ago, I came out of the interview unsure of what the outcome would be. Daily I would ask God for HIS wisdom and direction. Specifically I would ask Him to please close the door where He didn't want me to be. I was open to whatever the decision would be whether that meant I was to stay in my department or move on to something new. In the midst of my waiting I received this amazing award that still overwhelms me at times. By the end of last week, with no word on the position I interviewed for and feeling less and less like I wanted it, I again asked the Lord to close the door if that wasn't where He wanted me. Like Abraham I told Him, if you don't go with me then I don't want to go at all. I also was beginning to feel that to take the new position would almost be like a slap in the face for all those people who SO wanted me to be selected for the award I had received... I was torn. I was willing to stay but I was willing to leave too.... 

Monday I finally received the email that stated that someone else had been selected for the position and I felt... RELIEF and thankfulness. One by one I began telling people that I was staying and each time... they were happy.... and I was truly happy as well. It was so strange because at one point I was asking God why I had felt so strongly that I was to let go of what once was and step into something new... when I wasn't going anywhere. I began to see that while I might not be leaving my department... I AM going somewhere.... "the waters are no longer stagnant" as I was told in my Saturday morning Bible Study. 

I believe that in the moment in the stairwell when He told me to let go of all that I had been holding so tightly to... and as I released what had been.... a change took place in my heart... and I stepped into the plan God has for me. I'm not sure where all this will go but one thing I do know... God has a plan. While I may not understand what He's doing... I know that I can trust Him.... and I know that no matter what... He IS with me.

What an awesome, comforting thing to know that God has a plan and that He IS walking each step with me. He's so good and so faithful! 

Friday, April 24, 2009


Hmmm... I think we all look for someone (live and in person) to ask our questions to because... like Eve, we want answers and understanding! Sometimes though... it's nice to have a place to go and ask our questions... just to throw it out there for multiple opinions at once.

I have this bloggy-friend who has stopped over here from time to time and I, likewise, have stopped over to her blog from time to time. This bloggy-friends name is Sheryl and she has an amazing story. I don't know all of it but I do know that she is an inspiration and I know she hears the Lord when He speaks. She is trusting Jesus in this new journey her life has her on... A life of singleness... following hand in hand with the One who loves her most. She is starting this new day with a new blog titled "Go Ask Sadie". You can find a link to her blog in my Blogroll to the right or click here (if it works) where you can ask Sadie (her alter ego) any question you might have. Currently, there is a give away going on and even if I don't win, I admire her heart to obey the Lord and GIVE even when she doesn't have much to give. 

May God richly bless Sheryl in her New Day!!

this week in review...

"Don't be afraid for I AM with you. I AM with when things are going well and I AM with you when things appear to not be going well. In any and every situation you encounter... remember... Don't be afraid for I AM with you."

The Father has been whispering these words to me on many occasions recently but it seems especially so this week. When my heart is pounding and anxious thoughts are racing through my head I hear, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you". When things are going well and I'm a little suspicious... I hear, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you". When I'm afraid I may have messed up in some way I hear, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you and I will take care of everything". It has amazed me how each time... a peace flooded my heart. 

This week has been rather interesting to say the very least. In the midst of a HUGE amount of money passing before my eyes a man walks down my row and congratulates me. Now, this man isn't just any man. This man is former military and walks with much authority. I have always been a little afraid of him because he's one of the big-wigs. "Why is he congratulating me?", I wonder. I am most confused and dumbfounded but of course I just say, "Thank you". Someone wants to take my picture with him? WHY? What's going on? These questions are racing through my mind but I simply say, "Oh, okay" and stand up to have my picture taken. I make a little joke only to notice my entire department has now stood up and is looking at me... mind you this is not just a few people but a LOT of people are all looking at me!! Embarrassment flushes my face and I quickly take my seat. "What's this for?" Someone asks me but I still have no idea what's going on! When my manager tells me I've won I am in shock!! I was nominated by my peers as someone who is outstanding in service and leadership and I won! Now, this is amazing because no one from our department has won this award and what this means for our department, our team is HUGE! At first (not to sound ungrateful or anything) I was horrified because I had wanted my assistant manager to win for all the turmoil she has carried us through the last several months! Surely someone had made a mistake! Since the week has progressed I realize.... what a significant honor this is.... and I feel like Joseph must have felt when Potiphar asked him to be the 2nd in command. All this recognition has been hard for me to handle because for nine years I have just gone about my job... doing my job.... for my bosses and for the Lord. To suddenly be recognized is almost more then I can comprehend. I'm still a little overwhelmed. 

I don't share all of this to proclaim my greatness or anything like that I just share this because I saw this week the evidence of the favor of the Lord on my life and... there's a scripture that talks about having favor with God and man... and I feel like I'm walking in that and I am amazed at the goodness of God. 

Later in the week there was a moment of fear when I saw my name in the middle of a long email chain addressed to several of the upper level management team. I really wish I would stop receiving all this attention because I am only human and I do make mistakes! (Lord knows I do!!) Fear floods my heart and mind and suddenly I hear the Father whisper in my ear again, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you and will take care of you no matter what the circumstances." I realized in that moment that whether I receive the highest honors or whether I loose my job for some mistake... the Lord IS with me and will ALWAYS fight for me and watch out for me. If lies are spoken about me... "No weapon formed against me will prosper". If I receive recognition, it's for the Glory of the Lord. Either way... He IS with me! 

Today I saw the verse played out that says, "Vengence is mine says the Lord". We were informed that the person responsible for causing so much chaos in our department was let go. While I'm sorry she lost her job, there is also a part of me that knows, the Lord judged the unrighteous behavior and decisions this person had been making over the course of the last several months. I thought about how I would feel if I lost my job and I realized that even in those circumstances, the Lord is with me and He is my source and most importantly I have the assurance that He IS with me. 

Here I am this evening amazed at the Hand of God... amazed at His goodness... amazed at how HE turns things around for our good and His Glory... amazed and comforted by the fact that the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Lord God Almighty IS with me. He walks with me and talks with me and shares each and every moment of my days. I am amazed at His love for me. I am amazed that He has time for little me and I'm amazed that He really does care about every little detail of my life. I am amazed that He loves me and will ALWAYS be with me.

I pray that you will see His goodness in such amazing and tangible ways. I pray that if you are going through a hard time that you will just... hold onto His Hand for He loves and cares for you SO much. I know that He will take care of you and He will shield you in the midst of the storm you are facing. When things look the darkest... hold on because "Here comes the Son" and it will be all right. 

It's been a good week! FINALLY!!! Thank you Jesus for ALL you have done for me. Thank you for your hand that's upon me and may this award only bring Glory to YOUR name!! I lay it at YOUR feet because all the glory and honor and recognition goes to you. 

Friday, April 17, 2009

ah... the silence...

Sometimes there's nothing like the quiet of the house... well almost quiet. Doug's fish tank next to me needs to be filled so it's a little on the noisey side!

In thinking about silence tonight I was thinking on how to some... the silence can be a little frightening. They hear strange noises and are filled with fear. To some... the silence is peaceful and calming from all the noise that surrounds. I like times by myself because work is filled with stress and questions and at home... I see so much to do or I have people talking to me. I like the quiet though because in those moments... I hear Jesus whisper in my ear and when I don't... I feel His presence and it comforts me. 

Sometimes, though, in the silence His voice speaks deeply to my heart and I am face to face with my sin... like last night. I had shared information that wasn't really necessary to share and I was convicted by the sin of gossip. As I was walking into class the Lord started speaking to my heart. I repented of sharing things I shouldn't share and thought, "bad habits are hard to break"... and this scripture began to roll through my head:

"I want to do what is right but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway..." 

This was always a brain-twister for me because I couldn't grasp it but last night... I did and it was like the two-edge sword His word is... However, this is the next part:

"I have discovered this principle of life - that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably, do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now... there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Sprit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death."  (Romans 7:18-8:2)

...and in the silence I realized... I'm just an over-weight woman who gossips and worries when I should trust but Thank God! Jesus Christ is my answer and He can save me from this sin and death! ... oh to trust Him more!

I am a sinner saved by His grace and I am Chosen and loved by Him!