Tonight...

So... it's true... I haven't blogged for a while. I've been slightly overwhelmed to say the least. Work has been crazy stressful to the point where I had a melt-down last Friday and was in tears before 8:30 in the morning! My managers tried all day to get me out of there early but to no avail. I was there until 6:30 that night. Saturday wasn't much better as I went to class and had another student asking me questions which ended up irritating me to no end when I realized he was cheating off me. I was trying to fix something that I had worked a long time on last week which hadn't saved and this guy was asking me questions and I was frustrated. I tried to go get a manicure and pedicure to relieve some of my tension and ended up yelling at the Payless shoe guy! I was so stressed out that I was concerned.

After meeting with some friends over the last couple of days I went to see my Doctor today and he thinks it's just stress related and advised me to work less and rest more. This is hard for me because I'm an over-achiever and I'm wired with responsibility as one of my strengths! =) As I write this though... I see how I bought into the lie that to be a good employee I had to work harder than the rest. I bought into the lie that it was my responsibility to hold everything together in my family as well as at work. I believed that I HAD to keep up and to not... meant I had failed or let people down. In the mean-time the stress has built up on the inside of me to where it finally boiled over last week.

While I was waiting for the nurse to come in and draw some blood after my appointment I began to read this deal that was on the wall. It was titled, "50 Ways to Take Care of Yourself"... I had Doug start writing them down for me because I felt like I should make it a goal to do one of these things each day for the next 50 days. It's hard for me to do things for myself because I've believed it was 'selfish' and wrong (yet another lie)... The thing is... taking care of yourself doesn't necessarily mean spending money or that it's wrong to take time to breathe. I'm reminded of Jesus taking time to spend with the Father each day... He would slip away by himself and spend time with the Lord. It was a refueling time for Him. It was time away from the busy-ness of life to regroup and refocus. I believe that Jesus is telling me to take some time to refocus and to breathe... So for tonight I begin with the first one on the list.

Rest when you are tired. I think I'm going to go lay down in my bed (even though it's only 9:00) and I'm going to read until I fall asleep. Good night all... 

Bonnelle