Tuesday, March 23, 2010

She Speaks...

My friend Lysa is having a contest for a scholarship to this year's She Speaks Conference. She and information about the contest can be found at: http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com.

Now... let me tell you about the time I attended a She Speaks Conference. I had longed to go ever since I first heard about the Proverbs 31 ministry and the ladies behind the ministry. I had at one time dreamed of maybe writing a book about the loss of our son or even just the trials we had gone through as a family. My wonderful Dad passed away a few years ago and when I found out each of us kids would be getting a small inheritance check, I prayed about what I should do with my share and immediately the words "She Speaks Conference" came to my mind. I presented this desire and the desire to get a laptop to my sister's and later to my husband. At first he agreed with the laptop idea and eventually he agreed that I should attend the conference as well. When I first arrived I was rather overwhelmed... there were so many wonderful women there and they all seemed far more accomplished than I was. At first, I wondered why God would have wanted me to come to this conference. As the conference progressed, however, God crossed my path with my wonderful friend Tammy at: http://www.tammynischan.blogspot.com/ and her story was similar to mine... she had lost a child and had another child walking through cancer. As we shared our stories and our tears a deep friendship grew and I suddenly realized why God had brought me to this conference. Finally, Renee Swope at http://www.reneeswope.blogspot.com/ spoke on the Shadow of the Cross. At the end of the message we were to write down our doubts and fears and take them to the cross. Once we released them we were supposed to pick up a card and take it back to our seats. As I sat down and read my new card... the word CHOSEN was written with the verse from 1 Peter 2:9 - "For you are a chosen (woman). You are a royal priest a holy (daughter). God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light." The Lord began to speak to my heart about how HE had Chosen ME to not only come to this conference but to speak HIS words and to share my story with others. When I returned home after this amazing weekend I did two things.... I sat down and created this blog and then went and enrolled in an English class at our local community college.

I would LOVE to return to the She Speaks Conference this summer but since I'm not working full-time and I'm currently taking more college classes... the money is not available in our already stretched budget. The opportunity to win a scholarship has been presented and I would see it as a total miracle of God if I won!! Thus... this post is to enter the contest. If it would be the Lord's will that I would win and be able to attend... it would be for His Glory! I would love to develop this little blog into a platform where I can share God's word with other hurting mom's or weary wives or lonely daughters. I would love to be able share even more what God has done in my life and the lives of other women I know.

Lord, I give this desire to You.... I place it in Your Hands and allow You to determine the outcome. Even if I am not selected for this scholarship, I pray that You will deeply bless the women who do attend and may their lives be as deeply impacted as mine was!


Thursday, March 4, 2010

it all begins with a lie...

This morning I watched a tv program online and the Lord spoke to my heart through it. In the show, one of the main characters, a woman, was standing on the beach of an ocean. She had this voice that was telling her all kinds of lies and was encouraging her to end her life. As I saw her wavering, the Lord spoke to me, "She's believing a lie." She was trying to tell the voice that what he was saying wasn't true but he was being persistent. He kept telling her that she was worthless and that no one would really love her, that people didn't care about her. Suddenly in the distance a figure appeared... it was someone who loved her and he was looking for her. As she began saying out loud who he was and what they had meant to each other, she called out to him and he ran to her. As the man came running to her... the lying voice left her.

After the show ended and I shut it off, I heard the Lord speak to my heart, "It all begins with a lie." The enemy comes in and whispers to your heart. If you grab hold of the lie... soon it becomes the truth you believe. I went for a walk to hear what God was saying to me about the lies I have believed. He talked to me yesterday about setting me free from the fear and anxieties I have held onto over the years. So today, as I was putting on my shoes I asked Him where the lie came in that planted the seed of fear. Once again we went back in time to where I was a little girl. I was deeply hurt at a time where my zeal for the Lord was strong. I had wanted to share with my friends at school the good things that God had done in my heart the night before... and it turned ugly. I became afraid of them and what they would do next. More than anything, I became afraid to share with anyone else what God had done in my life... I became afraid to share anything really deep with anyone. The lie I believed was that if I shared my heart and my joy... if I shared my passion and my hope with others... I would get hurt. I would be ridiculed. I would be made fun of. So I became afraid. Afraid of sharing the deepest most personal part of me. My faith in Christ.

When I got back from my walk I stood in the sunshine for a little bit and just listened. I felt the warmth of His love as He told me not to be afraid, that He was here with me and He would never leave me or forsake me. He told me not everyone would respond that way and that there were people in my life that needed to hear about Him and what He has done in me. I told Him I was sorry for being afraid and for believing the lie. He showed me that those girls believed a lie too. They were afraid of the light that was shinning from me that morning. The enemy... was afraid of the Light that was shinning. The enemy wanted to silence me because he knew that if I shared the joy of my salvation, the joy of my heart, the love I had for Christ... there would be people who would believe. So he silenced me. For all these years.

As I came to sit down at my computer to write I was reminded of the verse that's at the top of this blog. God chose me. I am HIS daughter. I am HIS. As a result, I can show others the goodness of God... but not just show them by living my life before them. He wants me to TELL them... TELL them about His goodness and His grace... TELL them how He has set me free and rescued me... TELL them about His love... TELL them about the Truth that will set them free.

For GOD has said:
"I will never fail you.
I will never abandon you."

So we (I) can say with confidence,
"The LORD is my helper,
so I will have NO fear.
What can mere people do to me?"

Lord, please forgive me for being afraid all these years. Please forgive me for keeping you locked up tight in my heart. Please forgive me for not sharing your goodness with those around me. Your love is not just for me... it's for everyone around me. I ask now, Lord, that You would break the power of the lies and that You would release my tongue to boldly speak about You. Give me the right words so I can boldly speak and explain the Good News of what You have done in my life... It's not just for Christians to hear about but it's for the lost to hear about as well. Empower me to speak Your truth to those around me. In Your Name I ask... and believe it will be done. Amen.