Another day...

Good morning!

Here are more thoughts running through my head...

I read a devotional this morning on finding something worth dying for. The author's son had found Someone he would be willing to be a martyr for - Jesus. I pondered on this and asked myself... Is my faith at the level that in an instant I would die for the Lord if it was required? Yes, I believe I would because He has become everything to me. Then my thoughts went to my childhood and how I was "persecuted" for my faith... Oh, not to the extent of being in prison like Paul in the Bible or even dying for the sake of the gospel. I was tormented by bullies for quite sometime, fortunately I don't remember how long this went on but it was a tormenting from the enemy none the less. It instilled in me a fear of sharing my faith, which now looking at it from adult eyes, these girls just didn't understand what I had found and in reality were probably more afraid of me than I was of them. 

For a long time I have desired to have that fear conquered. To have the lies of the enemy quenched. Lies that say people will respond the same way or that I will be tormented again. You know what? It doesn't even matter any more because the Lord has done so much in my life and brought me so far from that little girl so long ago. Jesus has conquered my fears & the lies of the enemy and really, I have nothing to fear. I have come to realize that if people don't accept what I say, that's between them and God and at least I've planted a seed. I have also come to realize that nothing else matters but Jesus and yes... I would be willing to die for Him. He died for me, how can I give any less?

My thoughts then turn to...

Tammy & her family are in Cincinnati this morning getting ready for another day at the hospital. Nick is due to have a physical & PETscan done today and hopefully a treatment as well. It will most likely be a long day for them with a lot of waiting but I pray for a good report for them. I pray for strength & peace to flood their hearts & minds. I pray for grace to walk through this day. Continuing to pray for a miracle...

So those are the thoughts in my head today and now it's time to rush out the door for work...

Bonnelle

This morning...

This morning I received an email from my friend Tammy on Nick's visit & scan yesterday in Cincinnati. They have to return on Thursday for a petscan. The whole experience was very hard on Nick yesterday because they couldn't get the IV in and then after the scan, they were released to leave, only to be called back again for more testing. What a long day for all of them... Tammy sounded worn out and I can imagine Nick was as well. She was requesting prayer but also for people to fast if they were able. I've joined with her on this (actually started over a week ago but today, it intensified this morning with her email & post) and I've been praying and fasting for Nick all day. My heart goes out to her & her family. If anyone reads my blog (yes, I know my sister's read my blog) feel free to visit Tammy's site www.tammynischan.blogspot.com and you'll be able to read more.

Tonight... I lift them up in prayer to the Father, to the Great Physician & Lord of our lives. Father, I ask for Your healing touch on Nick's life. Lord, he's endured so much in the last 6 years... How much more can this young man be expected to take on? Lord, I ask for a miracle... one that can only be performed by Your Hand. I ask that he would receive a good report Thursday and that all the Doctor's & nurses would see Your Hand upon his life. I ask for peace and strength and grace to flow in and through their lives. Hold Tammy & her family up with Your victorious, righteous, mighty right hand and may they feel Your peace in their hearts. 

Thank You for the moments You give Tammy of showing her You are right there with them... in and through all of this. Thank You that You restore, renew & strengthen her soul each morning as she seeks Your face in the midst of the storms around her. Thank You for always coming through for her. Continue to lead her beside the peaceful streams and comfort & protect her with Your rod and staff. Anoint their heads with the oil of Your spirit to keep the tormenting lies of the enemy away from their ears & thoughts. Let it pour over them. 

Gird them up with Your armor to protect them in every way from the flaming arrows that the enemy is trying to fire their way. Place upon them every piece of Your armor so they will be able to resist the enemy during this time in their lives. Then after the battle is over they will still be standing firm. Help them to stand their ground by putting on the belt of Truth - flood their hearts and minds with Your Truth and place upon them the breastplate of righteousness. Put on their feet the peace that comes from the Good News so that they will be fully prepared in every situation that arises. In addition to all of these, help them to hold up the Shield of Faith that will stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Help them to put on the helmet of salvation and to take up the Sword of the Spirit which is Your Word. 

I remember when Josiah was going through treatments... every time he would go into surgery or a new phase of treatment we had this sign between the two of us... we would hold up the Shield of Faith. We would rely on the Scriptures and the assurance we had in knowing that GOD was with us each & every time. It was always such a powerful moment when I would see Josiah lift his shield up to me (which was raising his fist in the air like he was holding a shield)! Still is powerful even now as I see it in my memory!! 

Lord, help the Nischan's through this time... Hold them up in the midst of this storm. Give them reassurances moment by moment of Your love and faithfulness to them. Give them grace & strength for the journey & may they rejoice in YOU...

Joining with you and holding up my shield alongside of yours... Peace be with you Tammy... tonight and through the days ahead. I will continue to pray even as I go to lay my head on the pillow...

Morning quiet

I love the morning moments I have for my quiet time. It's truly quiet in the house and listening to the fish tank... it sounds almost like being beside a stream outside. I can close my eyes and see a place where there are trees all around giving the perfect shade. It's a wonderful temperature and not hot and humid. And there I am in a chair beside this peaceful stream reading my Bible and pondering on what the Lord wants to say to me.

This morning He was talking to me about the importance of these quiet moments. He took me to a passage in Mark where it tells how Jesus would get up before daybreak and got to an isolated place to talk to the Father. There He would get His instructions for the day and the Father would tell Him where they were to go minister. I see too that possibly the Father would remind Him occasionally of why He was here on earth. One thing that spoke directly to me was the verse "We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too. That is why I came." I sensed in my spirit direction for even me... to go on and be a light in other areas as well. To not just stay put in the same old place. There are other people that need to hear what God has done in my life. Others that need friendship. Lord, prepare the way and open the doors.

Then He took me on to a portion in 1 Peter that talks about exercising self-control, not slipping back into your old ways of doing things but to live an obedient and holy life. Now, this doesn't mean to be all pious and religious, but it does mean to watch what you say and how you act. The Lord was speaking to me in about my own attitudes and actions. So many times I carry the frustrations of the day home with me and daily I need to roll them over to God for Him to take care of. "Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you." Lord, help me not to take my frustrations out on my family, especially Doug. Help me to have a pleasant and patient attitude... Jesus would spend time with the Father and then go out into the crowds and... He was always patient and loving. Help me Lord to remember to take deep breathes of Your peace when I get frustrated or overwhelmed. Help me to remember that You are right there with me and that You will graciously take care of everything if I just ask.

Then finally, while I was pondering on all these things, that's when I heard the peaceful stream and I turned to Psalm 23. What a way to finish my quiet time.... I see that in these moments, when I quiet myself before Him each morning, He becomes my Shepherd and in Him, I have all that I need. He leads me to this quiet place, beside peaceful streams and renews my strength to face the day. By spending this time with Him He guides me along the right path, the path that He desires that I take, so that I can bring honor and glory to His name. Even when I walk through dark valleys, like I have so many times before, I know that by spending time with Him in the midst of those dark valleys, there's no reason for me to be afraid for He walks close beside me. Shepherd's lead and guide their sheep with a rod and staff to offer protection and guidance and He does the same with me. He rescues me when I need rescuing and He protects me from falling. He leads me and guides me to where He desires that I go, if I will just listen and follow the sound of His voice. And in these quiet moments, I'm able to feast on His word so that I can go out and face whatever comes my way. He honors me by anointing me with the oil of His Holy Spirit and He fills me to overflowing with His blessing and reassurances of His love. I am SO thankful that His goodness and unfailing love daily, moment by moment, pursue me and that He is with me every day of my life. 

Thank You Lord for these quiet moments and preparing me to go out and face the day. Grace me with Your patient and loving attitude and may I be a reflection of You today. I love You SO much.

Bonnelle

Today...

Today was a long day but praise the Lord it's Friday!

I find more & more that I don't like my job so very much. Things have been very stressful lately and they are about to get even more stressful. I love my manager & senior manager... they aren't just my bosses, they're my friends and I have been very blessed to work for them all these years. However, I sense a change coming and I feel... I'm ready for it. 

Christie contacted me today and let me know that the post for the Assistant position should hopefully be posted Monday and I'm going to put in for it. I know that if she has any say in the matter that I probably have a good chance of getting it and she told me she is looking forward to passing her "to do" list on to me when I come join her! :) It sounds like a fun job and it would be something different for different people. 

Lord, I want to be where You want me to be. I want the Executive Assistant/Event Coordinator position but if You're not going to go with me then I'll stay where You have me. I know Lord that You know what's best for me and I trust You. Show me the way and open the doors where You want me to walk through. Lead me & guide me just like You did in Charlotte... be the voice behind me saying, "This is the way, walk in it" like You promised me. Help me to hear & obey.

I love you Lord. Thank You for prompting me to go for a walk tonight. It did help and I was blessed to walk with You and be able to share my thoughts and hear Yours as well. I love walking with You. What a great picture! :) Thank You Lord for Your goodness and grace.

Lord, be with Tammy & her family this weekend. Be with Nick and he prepares his heart and mind for Monday. Lord, I ask for a good report from his scan and I ask that You will continue to shine through their lives. Bless them Lord for their faithfulness and bring peace to their hearts. Thank You that You hold them in the palm of Your hand.

Thank You Lord for Friday evenings and Saturday morning sleep in's. Good night Lord, I sure so love You!

Bonnelle

The Little Things...

Hebrews 12:1:

.."let us strip off every weight that slows us down,  especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."

Giving something up is always so hard and yet sometimes is required in order to move forward and press on. So many times you don't even realize you're hanging on to something until you're asked to give it up. This past week has been like that for me. The Lord asked me to give something up and that if I would obey Him in this little thing, I would see the benefits of it in the days ahead. So I agreed... but then I began to see what a hold it had on me. Crazy! It was so little and yet had become such a part of me. 

Then I come to this verse and I realize, there's more, isn't there? Of course there is. There are always little things that we hold onto that tend to trip us up. Things we don't realize are holding us back until we have to let it go. We're like a little child that doesn't want to part with a favorite toy and yet, if we would just let go... something far better is ahead. The only way we can truly let go is to keep our eyes focused on Jesus and the goals He has set before us. 

Whenever I read this verse I'm reminded of a race and runners. How they have to let go of things that hinder them and look towards the end goal. That's how they win. 

Lord, help me to keep my eyes focused on You. Enable me, through the power of Your Holy Spirit, to throw off and leave those things behind that cause me to stumble. I want to walk with You unencumbered by the things of this world. Reveal to me the "little things" that hold me back and trip me up. I don't want anything to stand in the way of reaching the goal You have set before me. I don't want anything to hinder me from reaching You and pursuing all that You have for me. Speak to my heart and help me to listen, and be willing to obey.

Bonnelle

Sensible people...

Proverbs 19:11:

Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

Hmmm... this verse says so much with so few words. I paused on this verse today because I tend to get frustrated easily sometimes. People make silly mistakes at work that reflect badly on our team or cause a lot of extra work, or I feel expectations are placed upon me that I can't live up to. 

I'm in the midst of studying for this HUGE test at work and I'm finding... Can I really do this? Do I really want to do this? And I find I'm getting frustrated with having to devote so much time and energy to work. It seems like it's in the forefront of my thoughts lately and I know... there's so much more to life than work. 

My prayer this morning is Lord, help me to control my temper and my frustrations. Help me to breathe deep and rely on You. Help me to do like I did yesterday and just step into the elevator and whisper a prayer out for Your help and strength. Help me to overlook the mistakes that other people make and realize once again that I am not perfect myself... no one is. Only YOU are perfect. Help me not to stress so much about work that it consumes my thoughts but instead turn my thoughts towards You and Your goodness. You are so faithful, Lord, to be with me every step of the way and to take care of every little detail. Help me to remember that when I'm in the midst of a stressful situation.

I love You Lord.

Bonnelle

Knowing Him...

Philippians 3:8:

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.

What really compares to knowing Jesus? Absolutely nothing... This verse just speaks to me this morning. 

Lord, create in me a hunger for You alone. Open my eyes and reveal Yourself to me. I want to know You, Lord.I want to know You so much more than what I already know... I long to go deeper with You. Somewhere along the line I think I've lost my passion for You. I am reminded this morning that nothing else compares with knowing You. Nothing compares to You. No one else is You. Take me deeper in my relationship with You. Reveal Yourself to me in a new way through Your Word. Show me what it is You want me to know. Show me a new aspect of You. Help me to see it, grasp it, glean from it, and be changed by it. Help me not to just simply read Your word and then walk away and forget what it is I just read. Help me to apply Your Words and let it change me... really change me. Speak to those places in my heart that need to change.

Bonnelle

Everlasting Love...

This morning the devotional I read took me to this passage:

Jeremiah 31:3

"I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love; with unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

These words brought back to me a night some time ago, when I was praying through some issues with a friend of mine. She asked me what I was hearing God say to me in that moment. I heard God say, "I love you with a never-ending, never-failing, everlasting love." His promise is as true today as it was then. 

What was especially cool to me and so like God was, I had read this verse very early this morning and then went about my day... I dropped Brittney off at a friend's apartment (she having a fun day at World's of Fun!) then I went to Weight Watchers (and found out I had reached my 10% goal!) and as I was leaving the parking lot, the verse for the day on the radio was... Jeremiah 31:3. I listened as the announcer read the verse and I smiled as I was hearing God's voice speak to me again. It was SO cool! Thank you Lord for your affirmation and the confirmation of your love! It just blessed me so much - and still is. 

After leaving WW's I went to go take a placement test at our local community college in preparation for an English class I would like to take. The class is part of a stirring from She Speaks - to learn how to be a better writer. I scored really well on the exams and was... amazed! It's been 20 years since I was in school last and I was a little concerned as to what my score would be. I know the Lord was with me because I was getting sleepy there towards the end! :) After talking with an advisor I then left to go study for this test I'm taking at work....

Work... this is a challenge for me. I love the people I work with but I've been in the same department for almost 8 years. I'm at the same pay grade I was when I first started and that has become rather frustrating to me. I feel like I've given so much over the last 8 years that it would be nice to have the pay grade increase to go along with it. Well, in my department, the only way to go up a grade level now will be based on whether or not I pass this test. It's a very difficult and long, drawn out process that requires a lot of time from the person that study's for it. Yes, my family is somewhat understanding but at the same time... do I want to continue dedicating so much of my life and time to my employer? Not really... thus comes my struggle. 

If I study and pass, I get a pay grade increase and will have more opportunities to move up within the company (so they say). However, if I stay in my department, I will basically continue doing all that I've been doing (no forward movement). Oh sure, I'm a "Subject Matter Expert" (that's what they call us if we know a lot about the job) but... I'm bored with my job. I was told by my manager this week that a new position will be posting soon to become a part of the Quality Evaluation team - basically I would review people's work and ding them if they do something wrong & could possibly be a part of training if selected. Would be something a little different but at the same time... not really exciting sounding. 

The other potential position that I've been talked to about is for an Executive Assistant. This sounds like fun. I've thought about it for a long time (years) but haven't really pursued it because I didn't feel I had the experience or qualifications for it. Plus, I didn't have an "in" - someone that I knew who would put in a good word for me. Well, now I do. A friend of mine that used to work in our department is an assistant and she's the one who approached me about it. It would be fun to work with her again... and it would be something totally new. This position isn't posted yet and may take some time since our HR department tends to take awhile putting job postings up.

This is where my prayer comes in... Lord, I need Your direction and wisdom. I need wisdom to retain this stuff I'm studying in order to do well on the final exam. I need Your direction and wisdom to decide on the right position... Do I stay and continue with the friendships that I have? or Do I go to the QE position? or is the Executive Assistant position where You want me? I need to hear Your voice behind me saying, "This is the way, walk in it" like You promised me at She Speaks. The nice thing about the Executive Assistant position is that I wouldn't need to continue with the studying for this hard exam and I could go on to take the English class in the fall. If I continue to study for the exam, I have to wait until December to take the English class (I was disappointed when I realized that). Most importantly though, I just want to be in the center of Your will for my life. I want to choose the path that will take me to where You want me to be. I don't want to step out of Your will and I don't want to go into anything if You aren't there with me. Show me where to go and what to do. Lead me and guide me according to Your purposes in my life. 

Thank You for loving me so much. Thank You that You love me with an everlasting, never-ending love and that with unfailing love You have drawn me to You and to Your side. Rebuild me according to Your plans for my life and help me to follow You completely.

Bonnelle

Focus...

Sometimes... I feel so distracted. I can be doing something and feel like I'm so focused on it and before I know it... I've lost sight of what I was doing. Like siting here doing my devotions this morning. I got up real early and even though it was slow going at first I knew I wanted to get to my Bible and laptop to read from the Word and have my time with the Lord. I came to my laptop and a blog was still up from last night that I had wanted to read before I went to bed. I was too tired last night so I paused to read the blog first. I read from my devotional book and my Bible. But when I went back to my computer to come here and post my thoughts... I got distracted and read another post on this lady's site and another. Then I left a comment and now... 30 minutes later, I'm getting to mine. I want to post something that I've gleaned from what I read in the Word earlier... oh but wait! I have to go plug in my laptop because my battery is getting low!

There... plugged in and ready to go. However, while I was getting my cord & plugging in I realized I only have a short amount of time to post my thoughts (not usually a short task), iron a shirt for my husband, throw some fruit in my lunch bag for work, put makeup on and leave for work! ACK! Not enough time!

So many times I think I could stay up all night and still not have enough time to get everything done! I try to be focused at work, at home, in my devotions, and even with my family but I'm seeing that there are so many distractions that get in my way. And then again there are times when I get so focused on things I'm working on that the more important things appear as distractions & I get frustrated!

Lord, all this to say... focus my thoughts on You today. Show me what's important and what isn't. Show me when to pause & listen and show me when to focus...

Lord, I desire that You would be my main focus. That You & Your plans for me would be the most important thing I focus on. You know me better than anyone and I know you have good plans for me. I don't want to get distracted from the path You have laid out before me. Show me where You want me. Show me what You want me to do. Show me when to stop and talk to someone or just listen to what they have to say. Help me be more like You... undistracted, unhurried, intentional about people, peaceful and focused on the Father's plan. 

Take my day and lead me to make choices that honor You and please You. Take this day and order my steps, my thoughts & my words. May You be my primary focus.

Interruptions...

Good morning!

The devotional I read this morning stopped me in my tracks... It had the title of, "The Ministry of Interruptions" and as I read I paused to wonder... How many times have I been irritated by interruptions? A Lot! Lord forgive me for my impatience and for the times where I only see what I'm focused on and not the people and situations around me. Forgive me for the times I feel I'm too busy or too stressed to take the time to really listen.

The scripture passage was found in Matthew 9:18-26. This portion has always meant a lot to me for many reasons. For one, the faith of the leader and the woman are so strong. They KNOW Jesus can meant their need. They don't have any doubts. Today I also saw how they knew that Jesus would take the time to listen and respond. Second, I've always been drawn to the healings that took place in this passage. A child was raised from the dead and a woman was healed from constant bleeding for 12 years! Both of these are significant to me because I've experienced the death of a child and I also struggled for a lot of years with my own physical issues as well as walking through a 10 year period of extreme difficulties. In this passage, Jesus responded - He took the time to listen and to touch.

While the outcomes in this passage are different than what I experienced... my son was not brought back to life and I was not instantly healed... I know that Jesus responded to my needs in both cases - He took the time to listen and touch. 

Lord, help me to be aware of other people around me. Help me to take the time to listen and touch. Thank You for Your touch in my life and thank You for Your patience and understanding with me. I pray that You will send people to my friend Tammy & her family today that would take the time to listen and touch them and love on them with Your love. Shower them with strength and confidence in You. May they feel Your grace through each moment of this day and the days that are ahead. 

My challenge today is to pause and ponder on this but also to look for those people that Jesus would want me to listen to and touch with His love.

Have a great day!

Thoughts on creativity....

Tonight I went to Barnes & Noble... it will most likely be my hang out for the next 12 weeks as I study for an exam I'm taking at work. It's my top choice anyway - we'll see if it ends up being where I study the most though because I found it rather noisy at times tonight.

When I entered the store tonight, I first went to find what they offered as far as resources for writers. I found this book that intrigued me. It is called, "One Year to a Writing Life" by Susan Tiberghien. I picked it up and read a portion. In it she gave suggestions as to the 'getting started' process of writing and then little practice assignments. 

As I read, there was a part that jumped out at me. She wrote, "a writing life is a creative life". This meant something to me because when we were on vacation last week, there was one night where we sat as a family and watched a movie. At the end of the movie I heard the Lord say, "You are creative. Because you are created in my image, my creativity is in you. Because of my creativity, you are creative." At first, my mind wanted to argue, "No, Lord, I'm not creative. I can't write eloquently" but then I had to stop because I realized the enemy was trying to discount a word the Lord had just spoken to my heart. Looking this now I see how like Moses I sounded. Moses didn't think he was capable so he argued with the Lord.... God wanted Moses to lead His people out of bondage... to set the captives free.... Hmm...

The first assignment that was then given in this book was to journal for 10 minutes so I wrote about what the Lord had spoken to my heart that night.

Creativity - God is creative - no two things are the same. Have you ever noticed that? No two snowflakes, no two people, no two animals, not even two trees... nothing is exactly the same as the other. Oh, they may be the same species but they aren't really the same. Even houses, though the builder may use the same plan to build a house, in the end it isn't exactly the same as the first house because the people that end up living there fill it with their own style.

When I think about God's creativity I am reminded that nothing is the same. So if His creativity is in me, it means that my experiences are different then someone else's. Yes, I've realized that before but it was like a new thought tonight... I was enlightened. 

You see I have struggled with the questions I wrote about last night. Who am I to write? What do I have to share that a 1,000 other people haven't already written about? Why do I think that I have anything different to say? What I realized tonight is that my story is unique. It's not the same as what someone else has gone through and yet, there maybe similarities. Such as my friend Tammy that I met at She Speaks... her son has cancer. I have a son who had cancer but the types are different. What do we have in common? Cancer & our faith in God... The Lord brought us together that day at the conference and we became instant friends. 

My desire has always been to maybe one day write a book on grieving the loss of a child based on the experiences I walked through when we lost our youngest son, Gerad 10 years ago. Praise the Lord that He continues to give confirmation! Because of my struggles with doubting this desire and whether or not it's a 'calling' on my life, He knows that I need confirmations - sometimes multiple confirmations. So tonight, was another step, another confirmation.

This is my story... these are my thoughts... 

The next part of the assignment was to write about something visual. She encouraged closing your eyes and writing about a picture that comes to mind or something that you see. Her example was of a woman who looked out a window and saw a hawk in a tree and then wrote about what she saw. When I closed my eyes I saw a stained glass window & then was reminded of a watercolor painting. (There's a story there)... anyway, this is what I see:

A stained glass window: broken pieces of colored glass. The pieces are taken and heated together to create a picture. When the sun's light shines through, it becomes even more beautiful. 

My life, in many ways, is like a stained glass window. There have been many times I have knelt before the Lord, broken and at times, feeling shattered because of all that life has thrown at me. As time has gone on, I've seen how He has taken those broken pieces of my life and shaped them together to form ME. My heart cry is that when the Son-light shines through me, the world will see a beautiful reflection of Him. 

Similarly a watercolor painting: what I remember of water colors is that you dip your brush in the paint, then in a little water and apply that to the canvas. Sometimes if you get too much water mixed in, the colors tend to run together. After Gerad's death a woman spoke a word to me regarding how my life was like a watercolor painting. Even though at that time it seemed that all the colors were running together due to the storm in my life, one day, the canvas would reflect the beautiful picture that God had in mind from the very beginning. I couldn't understand it at the time because of that storm (and many other since then) but now... Lord are you bringing the colors together to form me into the picture that you had intended from the beginning? Hmmm....

These are my thoughts...

Home again and another confirmation...

So.. we're home again after a wonderful, relaxing week at a beautiful spot in Minnesota that has become a family favorite. We visited this place 4 years ago when my son, Josiah, received a gift from Make-A-Wish. We were granted the wish of a family vacation to any place he wanted to go. He chose a beautiful resort in northern Minnesota. It has cabins right off a large lake, complete with all the fish you could want to catch and the music of the loons to welcome you each morning. When we were discussing possible locations for our vacation this year (we haven't had one since that trip 4 years ago) we agreed on going back to this quiet and peaceful resort location.

The Lord blessed us with a lot of rest (for mom), a lot of book reading (for us girls), lots of sunshine and plenty of fish for our guys to catch. What an awesome thing to be able to wake up each morning and take my little dog on a walk along a tree-lined road where only a few cars traveled. What a wonder to be able to paddle boat out to the middle of the lake and just float and read. What an amazing, awe inspiring time to just feel the Lord's presence all around you in the stillness and quietness of nature. God is so good.

We came back to busy Omaha Saturday night. While it's good to be home... it was also strange to be around so many people this morning. Starbuck's coffee though.... is still wonderful! 

This morning I was again reading scriptures from my devotional and was spoken to by the Lord. You know how when you're reading along and all of a sudden a portion of scripture speaks to you? Like the scripture was written just for you? That happened to me this morning... and to top it all off, it was written in RED. The scripture is:

Acts 18:9-10:

"Don't be afraid! Speak out! Don't be silent! For I am with you, and no one will attack and harm you, for many people in this city belong to me."

I was once again... stilled before the Lord. I took a deep breath and just pondered on that. The remaining portion of the devotional went like this:

"You are His servant, tied to His work and His purposes because you believe in the calling placed on your life. You want to further His kingdom. Your heart's cry is to follow Him all the days of your life. You will fulfill his assignments and meet His divine appointments because you love Him. After all, it's the least you can do after what He did for you on the cross. But who are you? What are you? Have you done anything that could not have been done by 1,000 others?

God gave you a gift in inviting you to participate in His work, by including you in His plans to change the world, one soul at a time. Why did He ask you? Because He knew you'd say yes.  1 Samuel 16:7 says, 'The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.' 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, 'The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.'"

The Lord spoke to my heart once again that He is calling me... calling me to participate in His work. Calling me to share my story. Calling me to speak up and no longer be afraid or silent! He placed in my hands this week a couple of books that seemed to confirm this as well. 

My assignment... 

list out my fears and give them to Him. Take steps to conquer those fears - step out of the box! 

speak... tell others about all that He has done in my life.

When I went to church this morning there was a word from the Lord that was spoken and seemed like it was just for me. He reminded me that He will never leave me, He will never forsake me...

Guess I better get busy! Help me Lord to hear and obey!

Prayers...

Today... I have been thinking of the Chapman family. I bet Maria loved sparklers and the 4th of July. I bet this weekend is a tough one for the family... my thoughts and prayers are with them. 

How well I remember those 'firsts'... the first week, the first holiday, the first month, the first birthday, the first day of school... My heart goes out to the Chapman's and my heart breaks with them and for them. I went on Steven's website (twice today) and read posts and looked at pictures. 

I remember one time in particular... will NEVER forget the moment where I felt Jesus hold me and rock me as I cried and cried and cried. I don't remember how long it had been since Gerad's death but I do remember the strong feeling of the Lord's love holding me and comforting me. It felt like a warm blanket covering me all the way into my heart and soul (which was good since that's how deep the tears were flowing from). 

Jesus, I just ask that Your love and comfort would come to them each and every moment they go through the grieving all over again. I ask that You would continue to surround them with friends and family who come and be Your arms extended. I pray that You will bring peace to their broken hearts. And as Steven gets ready to start doing concerts again... goodness! I'm sure it will be hard for him... Help him through it.

Thank you Jesus for always being with me even as I remember and hurt for those who are just beginning the process.

Good night...

Tonight...

So here it is... after 10:30 at night. I didn't get to write out my thoughts this morning since I had to iron pants & a shirt for my husband so he would have something to wear to work! I did, however, have my quiet time during my lunch break today. It was so nice sitting outside in the sunshine reading the word and pondering...

My thoughts today are on obedience and listening to the Spirit. My thoughts are on our upcoming (and may I say MUCH needed) vacation. We haven't taken a family vacation since my son's Make-A-Wish trip over 4 years ago. I'm SO looking forward to the rest and just sitting by the lake. 

My prayers today... have been numerous. Lord, please help me be attentive to your voice. Help me to listen and be obedient to your instructions and the things you long to speak to my heart & mind. Lord, please be with us on our vacation, protect us & keep us safe but also, I ask that you would stretch our dollars so we can have fun along the way. And lastly... Lord, I ask for healing for my heart. Help me to be able to get some much needed rest so it will be easier to be patient with my husband and situations that arise. Sometimes... I just get frustrated! Help me to forget about work and the options that are coming into view there. Help me to just relax and enjoy! Lord, I love you and just want to walk in the path you want me on.

Lord, I love you... thank you so much for helping me get into blogging. It's so fun to find other women and to be able to connect with them in this way. Be with the ladies who's posts I read that are needing to have your comfort and strength. Be there for them and guide them and keep them safe in the shelter of your arms.

Good night...

Delight...

So... I've been doing some researching on what 'delight' really means... This is what I've found:

Delight:

1. to love, be attached to, long for

2. to be happy about, take exquisite delight (I like the word exquisite)

3. to be pleased with, be favorable to

4. to make acceptable, satisfy

5. to please, to be pleased with

6. a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture

7. something that gives great pleasure

Exquisite:

1. keenly or delicately sensitive or responsive; carefully sought out, chosen; carefully selected

2. of such beauty or delicacy as to arouse intense delight

3. acutely perceptive; intense

So, with all this in mind... Delight yourself in the Lord... to be pleased with, to be delicately sensitive or responsive to, carefully seek Him out, choose Him and be pleased with Him. "Be happy with the Lord" (God's Word Translation)

Lord, sharpen my sensitivity to you. Make me keenly aware of your presence and your heart. Help me to be truly, deeply, beyond belief happy with You and Your presence. I love you Lord but I sense You desire that I love you more fully. Show me how to go there and how to experience You in a deeper way. 

"What is the desire of the heart of a good man (woman)? It is this, to know, and love, and serve God." 

~Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary

Morning thoughts...

I was going to write this in my journal pages but then I felt the Lord reminding me to post here instead. Share my thoughts with EVERYONE? I'm not even sure I have thoughts that are awake enough to make sense! But here I go... a baby step in this whole process.

I've been doing this awesome devotional lately and the devotion today was titled "The Right Order". The focus scripture was one we all know by heart. Psalm 37:4-5: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." 

My heart asks, "Do I delight myself in you? Do I commit everything to you? Do I really trust you? Or do I just desire what I desire? Do I just tell you what I want and hope you'll give it to me?" Lord, show me what it means to truly delight myself in you to the point where my agenda, my hopes, wants and desires, are not even a part of the picture. I long to really say, "You're ALL I want, You're ALL I've ever needed."

We're going on vacation next week and I want to spend quality time with the Lord and yet... I hear Him calling me now, "Don't wait!", He says. So Lord... Help me today to take the time to learn truly what it means to delight myself in you. 

It's hard to focus on someone else isn't it? Many times I have a hard time laying aside what I want for what my husband wants or what my kids want. Yes, I even have a hard time setting aside my wants for what God wants. I feel a life lesson in this... selfishness is about to be examined AGAIN. Why can't I just get it right?! I feel His smile as He reminds me that I'm a work in progress. Okay Lord... here I am. Change me.