Amazed...

Lord I'm amazed by You. 

Your goodness and grace overwhelm me at times. I went to my friend Renee's blog this morning because I read her story on how she found God's unconditional love yesterday and wanted to leave a post there on my experience. However, as I read through all the posts of the previous 29 women, I was blessed and left without words. All I could do was praise Him for His wonderful love and grace! 

Even now I sit in awe of Him. How He could love us SO much and how His mercies continue to be new each morning. How He takes the time to guide and direct each of our steps and He watches over us with great care. I'm just so amazed by Him. 

This has been a rough week for me... stress level has been high but I find it's been that way for a lot of people. Thank you Lord for a 3 day weekend to just sit and be still at Your feet. To take time to rest and just BE. Thank You for Your love and grace that carries each of us daily. Bring rest to those who need Your rest, peace to those who need peace and comfort for those in need of comfort. Draw us to Your side and fill us up with Your love. 

I just am SO amazed by You.

Wednesday ponderings...

Good morning, 

So I have noticed my posts have been rather wordy lately! I'll try to make this shorter... (it will be since I need to get ready for work!)

My thoughts today of course are with my friend Tammy and her son Nick as their battle continues. This morning as I commented on her blog I shared this passage with her:

Joshua 1:14-15:

But your strong warriors, fully armed, must lead the other tribes across the Jordan to help them conquer their territory. Stay with them until the Lord gives them rest, as He has given you rest, and until they too, possess the land the Lord your God is giving them. 

That would be why God brings us through difficult times in our lives... so we can then turn around and, fully armed with the armor of God, help bring them through to their land of rest. I'm standing firm with Tammy by her side even though I'm miles upon miles away from her. I wonder... who does God want you to stand with until they find their land of rest?

Love,

Bonnelle

Tuesday reflections...

As I've been pondering on what the Lord revealed to me over the last seven days of our Jericho march/walk I've gone back through the passages and noted scriptures that spoke to me. I journaled some last week but this is like a new perspective... I feel... reflective on what the Lord has done in my own heart over the past seven days. 

Joshua 1:3 & 5:

"Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you ... I will not fail you or abandon you."

I have an interview tomorrow for the Event Coordinator position that I've applied for at work. Yes, this is the job I would really like to get. It would be something totally different from what I've been doing the last 8 years and it would be a fun way to take the strengths and talents that God has placed on the inside of me and use them in new ways. This is the 'first round' interview and I feel fairly confident with this one because I'm friends with one of the people who will be doing the interview and I know she really wants me to get this job. The big one though will be the 'second' interview which will be with the actual guy that I would be working for. I pray that I will find favor in his eyes and that he would choose me.

Today when I was reading this passage again after work it stood out to me yet again. I just felt the Lord speaking to me to let me know that I can take a deep breath and just trust Him in this. I don't want to stay where I'm at. I want to cross over to new places and new things I believe God desires to give to me. I want to follow Him in everything I do, even in my job. 

If you have read other posts of mine you would have seen that work has been rather stressful for me lately. Today as I was walking and praying during my lunch the Lord showed me how He's brought me to a point of where I don't want to stay in my department any longer and He's provided a way out by having me train two other associates on my job and all I have become really good at. I've been working on a huge project with several other departments and that is now implemented and the new process is being worked and has gone well so far (on our end). Now, my day basically consists of doing little things to help out my Manager and Assistant Manager and those things will soon be done by other people as well. The timing is amazing and gives me great hope that this new job is already mine.... it's the waiting that is always hard. During the waiting, the enemy comes in and says, "What if they don't choose you, then what will you do?" I've backed out of the Series 7 (I haven't turned the book in and my manager has me on a 'sabbatical' while she's on vacation but Monday when she comes back I'm turning in my book. When the enemy whispers in my ear that question I waver momentarily but then I come back to this verse. 

Daily, sometimes moment by moment, I have to put on the full armor of God.

Ephesians 6:13-18:

Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor (breastplate) of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Last Wednesday I had to actually go into a room at work and walk through putting the armor of God on. I was about to be offered a position I didn't want and I felt I was about to let down my Senior Manager (who was my manager for the majority of the time I've worked there). I didn't want to let him down but at the same time I didn't want what he was about to offer. I had to tell him before they made their final selections and I panicked for a few minutes (and cried a little). I went into this little room and cried and prayed and then the Lord began to speak to my heart about why I was feeling this way and that I needed to stand up and put my armor on so I could stand firm in this situation. I did just that and as I put each piece on and this wave of peace flooded over me and God gave me the words to say and I knew there was no way I could do anything else but turn him down! It was really a powerful moment for me. I went out and went to his desk and we went to go talk about it. I explained my feelings and he wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing and when he could see my mind was made up he was fine with it and said he would pull my name out of the running. He did tell me though that I had interviewed very well and that I was at the top of the list. I thanked him for his confidence in me and he went on to tell me that if I was interested in any other positions to be sure and let him know and if there was anything he could do to help me out, he would do it. I told him about this other position I have applied for that and even though I don't think he has much sway with this other guy it really helped me to know he supported me. I walked out of that room standing firm and it was such a wonderful feeling.

When the enemy tries to come in and whisper the "what if's" to me... I have to just go back to this verse and put on the armor all over again. The peace comes back and I know I can trust the Lord to be with me in the interviews that lie ahead. I believe he has given me this position and I look forward to new territory.

If you're reading this and the devil whispers the "what if's" in your life and situations, I encourage you to put on the full armor of God and in doing so, the Lord will empower you with His peace and assurance that He is with you and will not fail you or abandon you.

Love,

Bonnelle

Monday mornings...

Ah... Monday mornings... they are always a challenge for me. The getting up after a weekend that seemed too short... this happens every Monday morning. I don't really want to be up and yet... my alarm clock goes off and tells me it's that time again. 

I haven't posted in a while for a couple of reasons.

Last week I was participating in a Jericho march/walk for Nick & Natalie, two beautiful children with cancer. We were challenged to join together with a multitude of people in lifting up these children and their families to the Father, praying for healing and seeing miracles take place. One of the things about this march/walk was to not share what you were receiving from the Lord until the last day... it was... powerful. 

The other reason is because it was Brittney's last week at home... we took her to John Brown University over the weekend. It was so strange to just leave her there and come back home. Twice she and I have gone down there to see the school but this time... to actually leave her there... was a totally different experience. Mixed emotions ran through me as we said our good-byes. Crazy how it seems that one minute they are little and the next... all grown up! 

This morning though as I was going through my usual stops on the internet I came to my friend Lysa's blog where she talked about the verse we all know that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" and I was once again blessed by the Lord and His goodness. I so appreciated the reminder that He will take care of everything from my kids to the children I have come to love through my friend Tammy. All I really have to do or can do is trust in HIM to take care of them and work in their lives. I can't lean on what I think is best or on what I want but only on HIM. 

One little piece I will share from the Jericho march/walk and the scriptures I read daily was how the Isrealites were told not to say anything each time they walked around the wall. They were told they could only shout on the last time, the last day. What struck me about that is that they were obedient. That's all... they didn't do anything in themselves except obey the command of the Lord. One night I wondered if the Isrealites ever saw the 'impossible-ness' of the wall. Did they ever just see the wall and see it as HUGE and wonder how walking around it was going to make a difference? In the end, we know that the wall came down but they didn't... they just trusted in the Lord and didn't lean on their own understanding... How many times do we walk around something and only see what we think is impossible, insurmountable? So many times we just see what we see. BUT GOD sees so much more and His ways are higher than our ways. 

Lord help me to trust you fully and not lean on my own understanding. Help me to know that no matter what I see or feel, You have it covered and that's all that really matters. Thank You for SO much more than what I can put into words this morning. You are truly... an awesome God!

Bonnelle

A final word...

Ephesians 6:10

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power."

Sometimes... that's all you need for the day but then, if that's not enough there's this:

Joshua 1:9

"This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

What is important to remember, is that this kind of strength is not a physical strength... Be strong in the Lord and in HIS mighty power. You have to rely on HIS strength and power to accomplish great things. You can't rely on what you can do because in so many situations there's really nothing we CAN do but rely on His strength & mighty power. What's awesome though is the promise... the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Praying tonight for my friend Tammy & her son... Tammy had to have an emergency appendectomy today and is currently in the hospital. What a crazy deal for them! Lord, I pray that you would touch her heart and bring her peace. Let her rest tonight in YOUR strength & mighty power and may she rest in the fact that YOU are with her wherever she is. Help her to just REST in you.

Bonnelle

Clarification...

Last night as I was typing an explanation for Tobiah & Sanballat (see previous post) when new revelation dawned and brought clarification to the Tobiah & Sanballat in my life.

My Tobiah & Sanballat aren't necessarily people like my friends in Wisconsin or at work, because the Bible says we do not fight against flesh and blood. The Lord revealed to me that my Tobiah & Sanballat are in the spiritual realm and they are really fear & intimidation. It's a tool the enemy uses against me quite frequently. The enemy comes in and whispers all sorts of things like the lies I wrote about the other night... 

The verse in Nehemiah 4:2 - "What does this bunch of poor, feeble Jews think they're doing? Do they think they can build the wall in a single day by just offering a few sacrifices? Do they actually think they can make something of stones from a rubbish heap - and charred ones at that?' Tobiah goes on to say in verse 3 "That stone wall would collapse if even a fox walked along the top of it!" What are the lies you hear in your head? I hear... "What do you think you're doing?" at times when I'm fasting and seeking God on things I hear, "Do you really think this works?" at times when I'm trying to stand firm on something I believe in I hear, "That won't work! It will collapse and then where will you be?" or "Do you really think God can take the pieces of your burned out tired life and make something out of it?", "You're just poor and feeble, who do you think you are?"

See, the enemy whispers in my ear and what I have to do is continue to stand on the word of the Lord. Tobiah & Sanballat aren't necessarily the 'people' in my life... I'm reminded of the card from She Speaks that listed all those things, "Fear, Doubt, Discouragement, Criticism" (there were more)... I wish I had that CD to listen to right now! It's the things the enemy whispers in our ears to keep us from moving forward in the call of God on our life. See when I came back from the conference in June I felt I was supposed to take an English class, that God was re-enforcing the desire I had to write and that He was telling me that because of all He had done in my life that I could share about it and tell others about His goodness. And then studying for this exam at work came up and I was approved to enter this 'class' at work and all I had gained from the conference went on a shelf... again.

I realized last night that studying is coming between my and my family. I work 8-9 hours a day, then go and study for another 3-4 and by the time my family sees me I'm tired and there's nothing left. My family is more important to me then my job. I need to spend time building up the hedge of protection around my family rather than seeing it crumble. What I realized last night was that I was allowing fear & intimidation to hold me in something that I don't really want to do.

The purpose behind the 7 is so you can eventually talk to clients about investments. I don't want to do that. I'm not looking to be a manager or even an assistant manager because the ones I see at work have become so stressed out and that stress has already begun to pile on me. Really taking the 7 is just a waste of time for me because it opens up doors I really don't have any desire to go through. What I would really like to do is by an assistant for someone - basically be a secretary. One of my strengths is to be a supportive person. I would really love to be this "Event Coordinator" at work and schedule meetings and take notes. =) It sounds so much easier and I've learned this week that his family is very important to him. They were making flight arrangements for him and he insisted on being back for his boys' first day of school and he refused to miss it. I remember when I started working at Ameritrade family was important. They didn't have over-time because they felt it was more important to spend time with your families in the evenings. Somehow, it feels like it's gotten away from that. I'm not saying this new job will be perfect and I know there will be stress there too but what I'm saying is I don't think I'm supposed to keep studying for the Series 7. I've been afraid of turning my book in because I didn't want to disappoint my Manager & Sr Manager because I know this was their way of helping me get the raise I deserve. I know their intent behind it is to help me move up in the company but I really don't want to keep doing the same things I've been doing for the last 8 years. Something my manager has been saying quite a bit to me lately is that they're looking for people who will put forth more effort than just coming and doing your job until 4:30 and leaving. They want people to put forth more effort and do the things required to gain advancement and the rewards that go along with that. But see, the thing is, that's what I've been doing for the last 3 years and it hasn't gotten me anywhere and now they want more from me? I don't think so!! 

Today is my anniversary and I want to spend the day with my husband. Brittney leaves next week for college and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Josiah is in a big transition now too and he needs my support and love. This is what's important to me. Not my job... 

Anyone who reads this blog I ask that you would pray for me. Pray for God's direction to be clear and that I wouldn't let fear & intimidation & doubt continue to whisper in my ear. Pray that I hear the Lord's voice over the lies and that His path is made clear to me in the days ahead. Pray for strength and courage to rise up inside of me and that I would stand firm on what I believe is important to God. 

Bonnelle

Great Quote...

It is not the greatness of my faith that moves mountains,

but my faith in the greatness of God.

~author unknown~

A peace...

Each morning when I open my Bible there's always a little nugget just waiting for me. Something that causes me to think some little word of encouragement that lifts my spirit and helps me keep going. I've always appreciated SO much how the Lord gives me just what I need for each day and how time and time again He shows me new mercy.

My Bible reading this morning was in Nehemiah chapter 3. This chapter always means a lot to me because it talks about Tobiah & Sanballat. Several years ago I had a Tobiah & Sanballat in my life. Two people who seemed to stand in my way and who hurled insults my way. We had been given direction to move and they were FURIOUS! After all they had done for me and for the 'friendship' we had they felt like I was walking away from all that... for what?! But I knew... I knew that God was in this move and I knew that I had to do it. 

Isn't it funny how sometimes we have people who want to do that? People who think they know what's best and don't want to see the plans of God fulfilled in our lives? Sometimes though, I believe we have an unseen Tobiah & Sanballat... those voices we hear in our heads that tell us we can't go forward, that we're not doing the right thing, that staying put is safe and what's best.... but when you KNOW that God is moving and has something that He wants you to do, you have to stand firm and push forward. Nehemiah knew that... he knew that God was in the rebuilding of the wall. He knew that he had been given an assignment by God to get the work done. He had people willing to help but a fight was needed to ward off the enemy. 

What struck me today was when Nehemiah stood up and then said, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes." They had to stand their guard, they had to fight for what they valued most and they had to be ready at all times. 

I feel in my life... there is a Tobiah & Sanballat. There is a force fighting against me in the progression at work. There is a force fighting against my family that would want to delay what God desires to do. There is a force that's fighting against my friend Tammy & her son Nick.... there is a force that whispers in my head, "What are you doing? Will you really get the job you desire? Will you really pass this test? Will you really be able to finish? What are you building? It will just crumble when the winds blow. Who do you think you are? Who gave you authority? You don't know anything!" 

My cry is, "Hear me oh God! Turn these insults back on the enemy's head! You are God alone from before time began and You ARE great & awesome! Thank you that I AM Your daughter and that I can come and STAND in Your authority and in the power that You have given me and STAND FIRM! Thank You that You ARE leading me forward and that You ARE giving me the grace & strength that I need to finish this task that's before me. You are guiding my footsteps and I can rest in Your care & Your provision for me. You ARE great & awesome for You ARE God alone!"

I will stand and fight for my family. I will stand and fight for Tammy & Nick. I will stand beside them. Our God WILL fight for us and we WILL be victorious!

You are God alone (Phillips, Craig & Dean version)

You are God alone

From before time began

You were on Your throne

You are God alone

And right now

In the good times and bad

You are on Your throne 

and You are God alone

You're the only God

whose power none can withstand

You're the only God

Whose name and praise will never end

You're the only God

Who's worthy of everything we can give

You are God 

And that's just the way it is.

Unchangeable

Unshakeable

Unstoppable

That's what You are

You are God alone

The Lord is great and awesome and He is God alone!

Bonnelle

Finally posted...

So... the desired position at work is finally posted... it went up Friday afternoon. Over the weekend I've been working on my resume and trying to come up with 'selling points' about myself to explain why I think I would be an excellent candidate for the job. 

I continue to struggle with studying for the Series 7 exam. It's SO hard and I have a difficult time understanding what I'm reading. I went to Barnes & Noble tonight to try to study and came away frustrated when a group of loud and silly teen-agers came in and sat down. I came home to try to study and have not been very successful at all. It's Sunday... I don't want to study on Sunday's. 

My prayer... is that I would be the one selected for this new position. That I would be hired soon so I could stop studying and get back to having a life. Brittney leaves soon and I don't want to spend the entire time studying. Josiah starts his senior year of high school this week and I don't want to be studying all the time when I know he will need my prayers and support. 

Lord... I place it all in Your hands once again... Lead and guide my steps according to Your plans and purposes for my life. If You want me to continue studying then please help me. Give me the strength and the wisdom to study and understand what I'm reading. If You want me in this new position then please help me to be patient in the waiting process. Please help them decide soon! Thank You for having a purpose and a plan for all of this. Help me to breathe deeply of Your peace and rest in You.

Bonnelle

Today's verse...

Proverbs 20:24

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?

It's kind of funny really... Do you suppose the Lord is trying to tell me something? Yes, I believe He is. 

Thank You Lord for directing my steps. Thank You for understanding even when I don't understand. I will trust You to direct me and lead me along the path that You desire I take. Forgive me for trying to understand something that clearly, I don't understand. Help me to wait on You and trust in Your plan.

Bonnelle

Waiting...

Have you ever had to wait for something that you wanted really bad? Of course you have... haven't we all? I've been waiting on a change at work... praying fervently for a new position that is supposed to be posted. Each day I go to the website in anticipation... only to be disappointed again. In the mean time I've put in for something else but I don't really want it as badly as this other one. Each day I ask the Lord about the 'wanted' position and each day... He answers with, "Wait".

This morning again, I was hoping it would be posted and on the way in to work I was reading my Bible and doing my devotions when He took me to this verse:

Psalm 27:14:
Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Sometimes... we have to be brave and wait. Sometimes... the waiting requires courage. Always, though, He tells us to wait patiently.

Lord, forgive me for being impatient. Forgive me for wanting this to hurry up.... mainly so I can get out of doing something so difficult. Forgive me for wanting to take the easy road when maybe there is purpose in (what I see as) the more difficult path. Help me be patient in the waiting process. Most of all, help me to be patient with Your timing and to wait on You for clear direction. Maybe what I want isn't what You want for me at all. I want Your best Lord and I don't want to settle for anything less.

Thank You for the blessing of Your word and the gentle reminders that You give me each day.

Bonnelle

His Love for Me...

I loved this part of my devotional this morning because it says so much and I believe, speaks the heart of God.

"Your life is worthwhile because God created it. You are desirable because you are loved by Him. You are precious because He gave His Son for you. You have purpose because He has ordained the days of Your life. Worth, love, value, and fulfillment - these are things money can't buy. They can only be bestowed and received from a gracious God."

The Lord is so kind and gracious. I love how He sends me gentle reminders of His love and what He thinks. I love how each day this week He has so graciously reminded me that everything is OK and that He has it all under control. I love how He reminds me that I don't need to fret or worry or strive... all I have to do is follow Him and His leading and He will take care of the rest. 

I love how He reminds me that my value and worth is not tied up in what I do or where I live. My value lies with HIM and what He thinks about me. He values me because I am His treasure. He created me and He thinks I'm beautiful and special and worth sending His Son to die for. I love how He reminds me that really... the only thing that matters is my relationship with Him, listening to His voice and loving Him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Lord forgive me for sometimes loosing sight of what is most important. Help me focus on my relationship with You and following You. You have told me that You know all my needs and that You will provide for them. You have told me that You have a plan for my life and that You will lead me and guide me in the right paths. All I have to do is seek Your face, listen to Your voice and follow You. I trust You and I will follow You. Your love for me, oh Lord... How can I ask for anything more? You're amazing Lord and I love You so much. 

Bonnelle

Just breathe...

It's always so amazing to me how God speaks to me through the devotionals that I read. This morning I was stopped in my tracks as I turned the page in the devotional to find this verse at the top of the page:

Psalm 46:10:

Be silent, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.

The amplified version says, "Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God." The New American Standard version says, "Cease striving", and the author of my devotion added "stop worrying".

It's so easy to worry, strive for or to try and make something happen. Take for example, the Executive Assistant/Event Coordinator position at work that I would love to get. I've been watching daily for it to be posted. Is it posted? No! Has my daily watching made it happen? No! I have no control over when it will get posted and neither do I have control over whether or not the guy will hire me! What has posted is the QE position that Dan & Briget are looking at me to put in for. A dilemma to be sure. I worried yesterday, "What if I put in for the QE position like they are expecting me to and then the assistant position gets posted?". On the one hand I could apply for both. Better to apply for both and get one or two offers than to only put in for one and not get anything. Still though, the assistant position isn't posted and that's the one I want more! 

The devotional this morning reminded me to just stop... be still and know that God has it all under control. What will my worrying over it help? Not a bit! I know that He will open doors to where He wants me & He will close the doors to where I shouldn't go because I've been asking Him to do that. He reminded me that I need to just sit back and watch and see what He will do with my life. "Listen," He said, "and I will lead you and guide you to where you should go". Instantly I'm reminded of Charlotte and how He would always guide me to my hotel when I was unsure as to where I should go. 

Lord, thank You for reminding me to just breathe, to be silent, to stop worrying, to stop striving for something that I can't MAKE happen. Thank You for reminding me that You are the one in control and that I can trust You for the outcome and to guide me to where You want me to be. Thank You for the reminder that my worrying & striving really doesn't accomplish anything. Just BREATHE.... 

Bonnelle