So I went today and met a new group of women... women I know will become my friends. As we read through the discussion questions we came to a part that caused me to pause.... I have been rather frustrated lately with the whole idea of staying where I'm at for a year and taking classes part-time. I have been frustrated with the work situations and stresses that have been going on.... too many transitions at once. I have just wanted to leave and start over with something new... and frustrated with the possibility that God truly does want me to stay where I am for a while yet. When I read the following portion of the study... it was like God was speaking directly to me.
"When we finally recognize or articulate the dream within us, it's common to push the fast-forward button and rush headlong into pursuing it. And our intentions can be good: the need is great; time seems to be passing quickly; people are urging us onward; we see other "dreamers" galloping ahead of us and we want to catch up.
But God may have other plans. Before we jump headlong into the dream (or even as we start to pursue it) He wants to take care of "first things first." He may guide us through a change process, transforming us before He alters our circumstances. Like Hannah, He might want us to mold our desires to reflect His purpose in the world. Or He may want to free us from a destructive habit or attitude. Or he could deepen us spiritually before we wade into new challenges. Whatever the case, we're stepping closer to our dreams when we cooperate with rather than fight this process."
I realized.... it's my attitude He's after. To smile in the midst of taking baby steps toward the dream. To be a light in the midst of what I may see as chaos... to have a good and Godly attitude in spite of how things appear. This is not easy and I have been trying to fight it... but in the process... all I'm doing is frustrating myself more.
Lord, soften my heart and help me with my attitude at work and at home. Help me to yield to Your leading and not try to run ahead before I'm ready. I want to move forward in Your timing... not mine. I want to follow in Your footsteps and not try to take the steps on my own. Help me to wait for You. Help me not to FORCE my way.... Not my will but Yours be done in my life, in my work and in this dream You have placed on my heart.
I love You Lord and I long to trust You more...