I will take care of you...

These are such... secure words. The Lord whispered to me on several occasions yesterday and each time, they brought tears and a feeling of... peace... security.... and a knowing that once again, I'm in the Hands and arms of the Father.

The thing is... accepting this words requires... trust on my part. Do I trust Him to take care of me? Can I release everything, once again, into His care? Do I really trust Him to take care of me? That's what He requires... that I trust Him. He's been doing a shifting in my life lately and I'm not really sure where He's taking me. I feel there is nothing left for me to do but to trust Him and to trust He has the best in mind for me. I have to admit... there's an element of fear. So many times in my life when words like this have been spoken... something big has happened. "Don't be afraid." He whispers to my heart. "I will take care of you."

I will take care of you...

Jesus, You've never let me down before... even through the big storms of life, You've always been there and yes, You have always taken care of me. So I take a deep breath of Your peace and I say... I will trust You to take care of me. In what ever lies ahead... I trust You will take care of me. Help me to lean on and rely on You in any and every circumstance and situation. Help me to remember Your promise... "I will take care of you".

Bonnelle

Things revealed...

So... today I spent some time traveling the long road of regret... I know... bad path to follow. However, one time during my pondering and praying, talking to Jesus and listening for His voice... He brought this revelation...

"You can't go back and fix even one day of the past. All you can do is invest in today and what lies ahead." It was really amazing if you think about it. And then, through a snippet of conversation with my daughter, she mentioned the Isrealites and the Lord spoke to me about them too... they were stuck in the past. They kept looking back to Egypt and were wanting to go back. They were mad at God for "bringing them out to the wilderness to die". Well, if they wouldn't have continually looked back, maybe they wouldn't have died in the wilderness! What I realized was that all they did was moan and complain about where they were and what "wonderful" things they had left behind. They kept forgetting the bondage they were in and the provision that God kept bringing to them on a daily basis. They were stuck and didn't keep their focus forward! If they would have thanked God for His faithfulness, trusted Him, and put one foot in front of the other... maybe there would have been more than just Joshua and Caleb that went into the Promised Land.

I want to move forward into all that God has for me. I don't want to keep looking back because all that was behind is truly behind me. God is for me and He's before me... Jesus, I trust in You. I trust that all that has been behind was for a reason and a purpose. I trust You to continue to work it all together for good and for Your glory. I will trust in Your leading and guiding... I here by place my hand in Yours and I will put one foot in front of the other. I will follow where You lead me. Take hold of my hand and lead me according to Your plans and purposes. Lead me and use me for Your glory. 

You are awesome Lord and I love you very much.

Bonnelle

Personal Narratives...

Today, I finished my first writing assignment for my English Comp class. I had to write a Personal Narrative on an event that shaped my life. I wrote on when Josiah was diagnosed with Leukemia. As I sat next to him in the truck this morning on the way to church and again at lunch... I once again marveled at the goodness of God. I am so thankful for His kindness to me in healing Josiah's body and sparing his life. I honestly don't believe that I could have handled the loss of a second child. I continue to pray and believe that cancer is no longer a part of his body and praise the Lord for His healing touch. 

It was kind of interesting to me that Josiah's Leukemia would be what I would write on. I've always thought my writing would be geared more towards the loss of a child and how that affected me. In this moment though, I sense that God is wanting this piece of my story to come out as well. I realize also, that I haven't ever written much about Josiah's Leukemia, even on this little blog. So allow me a few minutes to practice my writing on this major event in my life.

Josiah is my very tall 17 year old son. He was diagnosed with Leukemia in September of 2003 when he was 12. He had discovered flag football that summer and enjoyed every minute of it and at the time, wanted to go on to play football for real. However, life took a turn and the world of hospitals, Doctors and needles entered our life instead. 

He had complained of  headaches and had several severe bloody noses but these were easily explained away due to playing hard or dry weather or maybe he had allergies. One morning he came to me and said he felt a lump on his neck but I was headed out the door so I thought he had just slept on it wrong and it was probably just a knot that would work itself out. Several days later though, he said to me, "Mom, that lump is still there and I think I feel more than one now." At these words, I paused and actually felt what he was talking about and instantly knew, this was not a knot we were dealing with. 

After blood work and a biopsy it was determined to be cancerous in nature and we were sent to Children's Hospital. Our Doctor took one look at him and knew by the little red dots that had formed just since surgery that it was Leukemia we were dealing with. She assured us that Leukemia was easier to treat and there was a higher success rate but that we had to get started on treatments right away. We began a three and a half year treatment plan with chemo, blood and platelet transfusions and a lot of hospital visits. He's been done now and cancer free for a year and a half and again, I'm so very thankful. Josiah is a handsome young man and I'm very proud of him.

This then causes me to say a prayer for my friend Tammy and her son Nick. Nick still battles with cancer and daily they journey through the world of Doctors and nurses, needles and radiation. Lord, I ask for healing for Nick like you have given Josiah. Bless Nick with health and wholeness and fill his heart with Your peace. Strengthen the whole family with Your strength and may they rest in Your unfailing love for them. In Jesus' Name... Amen.

Bonnelle

New this week...

So I noticed this morning that I haven't posted all week! OOpps!  This post will be an update on things.

I really enjoy my English Comp class! What an amazing opportunity God has given me... to be able to learn more about writing and how to improve on something I enjoy! This week our class wrote a five short paragraphs on five events that have shaped our lives with one being our births. We then broke up into little groups. We had to share our paragraphs and then the other members of our group would choose which event they would like to hear more about. It was so interesting to hear little bits and pieces of my fellow students lives. To get a glimpse into where they have been and the things they feel have shaped their lives. 

Isn't God amazing? He takes these things that happen in our lives and uses them to shape us and mold us. Through our losses, we become more compassionate... like Him. One girl experienced racial prejudice throughout her childhood and at one point, she was able to have a diverse group of friends. She learned to accept people for their differences and I thought... how like God that is. He accepts us just as we are and I believe He loves the diversity of His children. You learn things when you listen to others... not just about them, but also about the character of God. I sat and listened to the stories and just thought about how much God loves each of them. He's put me in the middle of this group... to reach out and touch them with His love.

Oh Lord, that I would seize this opportunity, not just for my own gain and learning... may it also be a time where I can touch their lives and show them how much you love them. That You didn't leave her alone every time her heart was broken but that You were there loving her and holding her. Help me show them that even in the midst of their losses, You were there. Let me be... Your hands extended and may I speak Your words.

In Your Name, Amen.

Bonnelle

Cool picture...

So Thursday as I was having another crazy day in the neighborhood at work, I was walking and had the thought, "Life is such a roller-coaster!" and the Lord just began to unpack that for me... Now, it's been a very long time since I've been on one but I still remember the thrill and the fear all wrapped into one!

What I began to see was sitting in the seat and the 'arms' come down over the top of you to strap you in. The Lord showed me how His arms come down over the top of us to cover us and hold us in His care all through our lives. I then felt the wonder of a child... "What will happen next?!" and realized, we're just like that in life, at least I am, always wondering what's next? What does God have in mind for my life? Where are we headed? All those questions have been going through my head this week. 

Sometimes in our lives there's this slow moving along - like when you're first coming out of the gate - and you feel the comfort of those arms around you and you feel so safe and secure. There's also times of where you feel like it's taking so long to get somewhere!  Then other times there is this climb to the mountain top of the Lord where your relationship builds or where you can feel an expectation of something about to happen (are you climbing on the roller-coaster with me?) and then, all of a sudden, things plunge... life changes and fear comes because you feel like the bottom has dropped out of your life and your scared! 

I was thinking about the shakes that we feel as we're moving along on the track of the roller-coaster and how it could symbolize the everyday little bumps we feel of personalities around us or the little things that irritate us and shake us up. 

Then... as I was picturing all of this in my head and coming to the end of the roller-coaster ride I thought about how cool it is to know that all through the ride, those 'arms' hold you in and keep you safe and secure. How at the end, you know your done and you survived and you breathe a sigh of relief... How like life that is... you come through a huge change or storm in your life and you realize that all the while the Lord's arms were holding you and keeping you safe. That He was right there all along, even when it felt like everything was upside down! He never leaves us and He will never let go.

What was so powerful in this to me was that was kind of how my week was. Tuesday night, I was so excited beyond belief about my first English class and how much I like the instructor and how I'm looking forward to writing and learning more about writing. It was such an amazing feeling of knowing... This is so cool! Then Wednesday, things took a turn and I was greatly disappointed by not getting a job that I had so hoped for, believed for, wanted SO badly. I really had to work through all those feelings and emotions. Then I was asking the Lord, "What's next?", "Where do I go from here?", "What's up ahead for me?", "Why do you want me to stay here longer when I thought you were moving me forward?" but as He gave me this picture... and even yesterday as I was coming to the end of my week, I just felt the Lord's loving arms around me and I just had the feeling that even though I don't know what's ahead, He does and He's always with me. He won't ever leave me alone. What a comfort to know that He has held me securely through this little roller-coaster ride this week. What an awesome...peace I have at the present moment! I know... that no matter what, everything will be OK. He hasn't stopped leading and directing me and I still feel a peace in decisions I've made recently. He has a plan, He has a purpose, and He will always hold me... securely in His arms! 

I just love Him so much and I'm so grateful that He's with me on this journey called life. His love is amazing!

Bonnelle

Happenings...

So... today I found out the disappointing news that I was not selected for the Event Coordinator position. I haven't heard directly from HR yet but I did chat with my friend in the department (she was one of the first interviewers) about it. She said they would probably be contacting me soon. Yes, I was disappointed and all those questions came crashing in for a moment... "Why wasn't I good enough? What was I lacking? Isn't my work and dependability enough?" As I mulled over these questions and more I went for a walk this afternoon to think and pray. At one point my heart cried out, "Why wasn't I chosen" and I heard the whisper of the One who loves me the most, "You were chosen for I have chosen you" and my verse from She Speaks jumped out before me (written above). I heard these words:

"You ARE a chosen woman for I have chosen you. I have chosen you to be My holy daughter. You are Mine. I have chosen you to show others My goodness, love and faithfulness. Just because this one person didn't choose you, always remember that I have chosen you."

His love is enough for me... I know that He has a plan in all of this. I know that the 7 wasn't for me and that stopping was right for me & my family. I know that He has good plans for me and that while this door may have closed, another one will open. I just have to keep watching and waiting for His perfect timing. I'm thankful that He knows what is best for me and He knows what I can handle. 

For now... I will stay in my current job. I will thoroughly enjoy my English class and all that I will learn from it. I will continue to Praise Him for His goodness and His wisdom. I have asked Him to guide and direct my steps according to His plans and purposes for my life so I will trust in His leading because His way is the best way I should take.

Bonnelle

New things...

I'm SOOO excited! Tonight was the first night of my English Composition class!! 

For those of you that are not aware, I attended a writer's conference in June and came home with the intent of enrolling in an English class to further my writing abilities. At one point, I thought this goal was going to have to wait until December but then God re-directed things and walked me through this door now. When I went a couple of weeks ago and registered... I can't explain the feeling that came over me as I walked out. I was excited beyond belief! It was such a great feeling of KNOWING I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do.

Tonight as I walked in and took a seat in the front row I just grinned! It was like a dream come true for me. I want to be a good writer and I want to be able to share my story in a way that glorifies God. I am so looking forward to learning more about writing and how to improve my writing skills. 

One thing that was also cool about all of this is, when I was looking at English classes and such, I began to feel that I could apply this to a degree as well so... I will be taking a second class on Saturday afternoons to improve my keyboarding skills. This shouldn't be too tough for me since I'm on the computer ALL the time but I'm sure there are still things I will learn. These two classes will help me work toward an Associates degree as an Administrative Assistant. Once I'm done, I will be able to go anywhere the Lord may lead. For now, though, I hope it will help me at my current job as well as the Event Coordinator position I've applied for and hope to get.

All in the Lord's leading and timing... Still, I'm SO excited about this little step in furthering my writing!! So get ready... there are about to be new and improved posts on this little blog!!

Good night all and may you be richly blessed like I have been tonight!

Bonnelle