favorite verse this week...

Tuesday I was doing some praying and searching... later while reading my friend Kathy's blog she pointed me to this verse and the Lord spoke volumes to me:

"It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat (or anxiously trying to get everything done); for God gives REST to His loved ones." Psalm 127:2

The Lord showed me that's what I had been doing. I was staying up REALLY late and then getting up super early in the morning trying to get all my homework done, trying to wrap my brain around all the concepts, trying to do everything well. All the while I felt like I wasn't understanding and the more I tried, the more I felt like I was drowning.

This week after dropping my Algebra class (and later struggling with that decision) God has had me resting physically but also coming to a point of resting in HIM. God has called me to the process of school and learning... but I am not alone in the process. I think I took on school and felt I had to conquer it all... like my grades and everything rode on me and my performance. The thing is... It's God calling... so He wants to be the one to conquer and bring victory... so I don't get the glory but He alone gets the Glory. Now I know that doesn't mean I sit back and do nothing at all but at the same time I have come to realize that it also doesn't mean I let it consume me!

He loves me... He has called me... He has chosen me.... He watches over my path and He will lead and guide me each step. My part? Is to listen to His voice and follow His leading.

Lord, forgive me for forgetting to REST in You.

bits...

When I write I tend to ramble... Here's a comment I left on my friend Renee's blog this morning:

I have a long story but I'll try to give you bits here... It started 11 years ago when I came to a conference and God spoke into my heart Jeremiah 29:11-14 too. I knew He had plans and purposes for my life and I knew it involved leaving where we were and moving to a different state. 6 weeks later my son died. God kept reminding me over and over of those verses and that He had a plan. My marriage almost failed but we moved a year later...

A year ago God planted in my heart to leave my job of nine years and go back to school. (At least I'm still praying that it was God. He's been opening doors so I'm still trusting Him.) This week I failed my 3rd Algebra test so I dropped the class. I was afraid of failing and having it pull down my grades and ruin my chances of getting into the next school. Today... I wonder if I did the right thing or if I should have plugged through it anyway.

My doubts are fueled by fear. As I asked the Lord this morning to speak to my heart through His word to reveal what's going on... my reading this morning was about Moses. God called him... he was afraid and argued with God. Moses' doubts were fueled by fear.

As I'm looking at my heart and issues I have with intimacy and communication I'm seeing... doubt and fear as being behind everything. I'm so afraid of not saying the right words that I don't say anything at all. I doubt my words will matter. I'm so afraid of being hurt or abandoned that I don't go deep in relationships. I doubt people will love me and stick with me.

As you may know if you've been reading the last few posts... I have been struggling with some things. Words have been spoken to me that have really caused me to think, ponder and this morning... go to God for answers. As I sat asking Him what I was supposed to do I opened my Bible first to Psalm 1 and I felt like the answers I need are in God's Word. I then went to my One Year Bible to read the portion for today and Moses appeared before my eyes. I saw God calling him... telling him it was time... time to move forward by going back to Egypt. Moses doubted himself... doubted God being with him... doubted the direction he was receiving. Moses was afraid of people not believing him... not listening to him... he was afraid of things not working out. Today, the story of Moses looked like me.

As I went to Renee's blog and read about doubt and fear I see God showing me what the issues are. I haven't found the point where they began but I do know that God wants to heal the issues of my heart.

Lord, forgive me for doubting and being afraid. Please open up the places I have closed off in my heart. Open my ears to hear your voice and help me to follow your lead.

at that point....

I'm at that point again... the point where I am tired and overwhelmed... the point where I wonder if I will ever make it through this.... As I walked into the bathroom after class this morning I heard this gentle reminder: "Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."

As I was walking to the library I felt I should come blog about this... part of me felt silly because I am just overwhelmed with classes and there are so many others that are overwhelmed with much bigger issues... the loss of a child or the loss of a home or the chaos of destruction all around them. How can I blog about something silly like being overwhelmed with classes? And again, I felt the gentle whisper of the Lord say to me, "Overwhelmed is overwhelmed. Each person's "thing" seems overwhelming to them and yet... I am the Source of their help." So here I am... sitting at a computer and blogging about feeling overwhelmed and the Source of our help and hope.

Here is the full passage:

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

When we feel overwhelmed... we feel like we are buried beneath the load of something... grief, dispair, anxiety... it's like a crushing weight. Or maybe.... we feel like the "thing" in front of us is insurmountable... like climbing to the tallest mountain top. I like how this Psalm calls it "A song of ascents". When we're at the bottom of a mountain... or even part way up... if we look up, sometimes it seems like the top is still SO far away. We struggle and feel overwhelmed... like we'll never make it to the top. I imagined myself standing in front of the mountain and looking at the climb that lies ahead and wondering... How will I ever do it? How will I ever make it? ....Where will my help come from? We know... our help comes from the Lord. His grace is sufficient... He is the Source of our strength. He is the Source of everything we need for the climb up and out of where we are. If you are lying beneath a load of grief... He is your strength. If you are lying beneath a pile of destruction... He is your way out. If you are standing in front of a mountain that doesn't appear to be moving or getting any smaller... He is the God of the impossible.

He knows the way... up, out, over or through. His Word says that He will watch over you. He won't let your foot slip, He won't let you fall. He won't take His eyes off of you... with each step He will be exactly what you need. He will be your shelter, your covering, your protection. He will be a shade for you when you feel the "heat" of what ever you are going through. He will keep you from all harm....even when it hurts SO bad. He will watch over you and He won't ever let you go.

He will pull me through.... even if I don't know how... I know... He will pull me through. He will take care of me. He knows exactly what I need.... exactly when I need it. He holds my hand and I can hear Him encouraging me to press onward. "Keep going... you can do it.... hang in there.... I'm right by your side."

Maybe you're having one of those days.... where you feel like you can't even hold your head up. Try again... look up... and you will see... the Lord, the maker of the heavens and then earth... He's there to help you take the next step. He's there to hold you up and push you forward. You can do it... with His help... you CAN do ALL things through Him!! Hold onto His hand and He will lift you up.

Praying for you today as you step past this point.

Great Quote...

So here's another great quote from Mark Batterson...

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Criticize by creating. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion."

Fundamentals...

So... it never ceases to amaze me how God ties everything in to make "it" fit together... for good! As you may know I have journeyed back to college life to expand my knowledge and try something a little scary and yet... totally God. On top of all the learning I am having to do for school (which is sometimes VERY challenging!) I am reading through my One Year Bible with my Church. Once again I am being reminded of how Abraham and Sarah... and their children... took matters into their own hands and tried to "help" God out.

The Lord keeps reminding me, "It's all about the fundamentals"... going back to the basics, paying attention to the foundation, everything builds on top of each other. Take for example, classes, I had to start with a basic math class and take all the ones in between before I could get to College Algebra (thank goodness!! College Algebra is TOUGH!). One thing I learned in class the other day was when you are in the midst of a difficult class and you want to give up, get your focus back on the end goal. What is the reason you are taking this class? To get to the next class. Each class builds on the next one.

Life... our walks with God... how many times are we in the midst of something difficult and wanting to give up? In struggling once again in an area I have struggled with before... Jesus gently reminds me to push through.... to trust HIM because this struggle I am going through is preparation for the next struggle, trial, test... He has a plan... in ALL things He has a purpose and a plan. He will take the hard places... smooth them out... and use them as a reminder when we are in the next hard place. He reminds me that He will always take care of me, that He cares about the little details of my life and that He will NEVER abandon me... and that He doesn't need my help to make HIS promises come true! Yes, they are simple truths... the fundamentals... but they never get old.

As I push through these hard places... may I come out trusting Him more... and a little more aware of HIS truth... and a little smarter for the journey ahead.. May I always focus on the end goal which is Jesus Christ my Lord and fulfilling HIS plans and purposes for my life. If I listen... and read all the way through... I will hear His voice cheering me on and encouraging me each step of the way.

He is so very good to me and I am SO glad He is patient with me!!

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." (Psalm 37:23)

A New Year...

...and a new day. I love New Year's Eve and New Year's Day... it marks for me the time to put away the old and look forward to the new. I am excited for what God has in store this year. I am excited to find out where He wants me to go to school next fall as another option was revealed to me a couple of days ago. I look forward to getting through each and every class by passing with a reflection of His excellence and great wisdom! I look forward to gleaning new things from His word. I look forward to meeting new friends and having coffee with current ones. I look forward to all the things He wants to do in and through me that I can't possibly think of or even imagine! I look forward to... HIM!

Here is a prayer I received this morning from my friends at Proverbs 31 Ministries. I have only changed the "we" to "me" in an effort to personalize it. May it speak to your heart like it has mine.

Father in heaven, thank You that You are All Authority in heaven and on earth. Thank You that You led me here today. You know my every need, my deepest desires, and my hurting places. Lord, as I seek to know You more, would You open the eyes of my heart to see the wonderful things in Your law?

Father, I confess that so often I live a life that does not honor You. My actions and my Words seem so far from You. But, I do want to live a life that pleases You, so I ask today for You to soften my heart to receive what Your sweet Spirit has to speak to me. Give me a hunger and a thirst for Your Word. As You reveal it to me, help me through the power of Your Holy Spirit to listen and obey. You tell me Your Word is living and active, like a double-edged sword. Father, I invite You to use it now to penetrate the deepest recesses in my heart.

Give me a heart that desires You and Your Truth above all else. Your Word tells me that if I lack Wisdom, I need only ask and You will give it liberally. So I ask today for a fresh filling of Your Wisdom. Give me the strength to walk in Your Truth, no matter the cost. Guard my heart and keep my eyes fixed on You. Grow in me the fruit of Your Spirit…those things that will make me more like You. As I study Your Word, fill me and saturate me with more of You!!

Today, Father, I surrender my past and look to the future, thanking You that I am a new creation. No matter what I have done before today, I have Hope in You to take all things and use them for Your good and the good of Your Kingdom. Thank You that You are Faithful. Thank You that I can make my plans but You will direct my steps. I trust in You to do a mighty work in me and through me this year and that You will carry it on to completion until the day I step into eternity with You.

Lord, I love You. Make my life a living testimony of Your Love. I ask this in the powerful and mighty name of Your Son, Jesus Christ my Lord who will do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine. AMEN.

Happy New Year everyone!!