I was sitting in my Algebra class this morning listening intently to what the instructor was saying. He was talking about a concept and I thought, "I have NO idea what you just said or what you meant by that!". All of a sudden the Lord showed me a picture of my head down, going head first into a wall, full speed ahead. "Like boring through a wall head-first", I heard Him say. "You try to tackle these concepts and all that your learning with your head and with your own understanding. You're going at it using your head. Like your boring through a wall head-first. I want you to go in like a warrior. Head up, shield up, following Me, your Leader, Teacher, Commander in Chief. I will show you the way, I will explain the concepts with each step as you seek Me and listen to My voice. As a warrior gets instruction from his leader, so I will give you instruction as you need it. Don't lean on your own ability to understand what you are being taught. Instead, lean on Me and listen to My instruction and I will show you the way." ...wow...
Yesterday I had my first Chemistry test and I was SO stressed about it. I just wanted to do a good job. Yesterday morning when I was asking a friend to pray for me I told her I felt like I was trying to make up for the grades I got in high school. I didn't know what the test would be like but all I knew was, I wanted to get a good grade. I thought about this test so much yesterday and all the while, I was trying to lean on God at the same time. When I finished the test, I was exhausted. I felt physically and mentally worn out!
When the Lord gave me that picture this morning I realized that was why I felt that way yesterday. I was trying to pack all this information in my brain and lean on Him at the same time. I know I need to trust Him in this. I know I CAN trust Him to bring me through it and yet, there still seems to be a battle going on where I am trying to do it in my own strength. Forgive me Lord for leaning on my own understanding. Forgive me for not fully resting in Your promise that You will walk with me each step of the way and passing the tests and classes and doing well WILL happen for YOUR glory!
When I came downstairs after class and was pondering on this picture He gave me, I went to my Bible to read today's scripture from a list I have of 40 promises from God. I chuckled a little when I read this passage:
"So the Lord gave to Israel all the land he had sworn to give their ancestors, and they took possession of it and settled there. And the Lord gave them rest on every side, just as he had solemnly promised their ancestors. None of their enemies could stand against them, for the Lord helped them conquer ALL their enemies. Not a single one of ALL the good promises the Lord had given to the family of Israel was left unfulfilled; EVERYTHING he had spoken came true." (Joshua 21:43-45)
ALL my enemies, all my fears and anxieties are conquered in Jesus Name. He has already conquered them. All I have to do is walk in the peace that passes all understanding. This dream, this path I am walking is a path designed and chosen by Him. It's a path that will bring HIM glory when I walk across the stage to get my diploma. I KNOW He has begun a good work in me and I KNOW He will be faithful to complete it. I know He will help me each step of the way.
No matter the outcome.... I will trust in YOU.