wow...

I need to write this down so I don't forget. The Lord just revealed something so powerful to me... as I type I pray He shows me more if there is more.

I was sitting in my Algebra class this morning listening intently to what the instructor was saying. He was talking about a concept and I thought, "I have NO idea what you just said or what you meant by that!". All of a sudden the Lord showed me a picture of my head down, going head first into a wall, full speed ahead. "Like boring through a wall head-first", I heard Him say. "You try to tackle these concepts and all that your learning with your head and with your own understanding. You're going at it using your head. Like your boring through a wall head-first. I want you to go in like a warrior. Head up, shield up, following Me, your Leader, Teacher, Commander in Chief. I will show you the way, I will explain the concepts with each step as you seek Me and listen to My voice. As a warrior gets instruction from his leader, so I will give you instruction as you need it. Don't lean on your own ability to understand what you are being taught. Instead, lean on Me and listen to My instruction and I will show you the way." ...wow...

Yesterday I had my first Chemistry test and I was SO stressed about it. I just wanted to do a good job. Yesterday morning when I was asking a friend to pray for me I told her I felt like I was trying to make up for the grades I got in high school. I didn't know what the test would be like but all I knew was, I wanted to get a good grade. I thought about this test so much yesterday and all the while, I was trying to lean on God at the same time. When I finished the test, I was exhausted. I felt physically and mentally worn out!

When the Lord gave me that picture this morning I realized that was why I felt that way yesterday. I was trying to pack all this information in my brain and lean on Him at the same time. I know I need to trust Him in this. I know I CAN trust Him to bring me through it and yet, there still seems to be a battle going on where I am trying to do it in my own strength. Forgive me Lord for leaning on my own understanding. Forgive me for not fully resting in Your promise that You will walk with me each step of the way and passing the tests and classes and doing well WILL happen for YOUR glory!

When I came downstairs after class and was pondering on this picture He gave me, I went to my Bible to read today's scripture from a list I have of 40 promises from God. I chuckled a little when I read this passage:

"So the Lord gave to Israel all the land he had sworn to give their ancestors, and they took possession of it and settled there. And the Lord gave them rest on every side, just as he had solemnly promised their ancestors. None of their enemies could stand against them, for the Lord helped them conquer ALL their enemies. Not a single one of ALL the good promises the Lord had given to the family of Israel was left unfulfilled; EVERYTHING he had spoken came true." (Joshua 21:43-45)

ALL my enemies, all my fears and anxieties are conquered in Jesus Name. He has already conquered them. All I have to do is walk in the peace that passes all understanding. This dream, this path I am walking is a path designed and chosen by Him. It's a path that will bring HIM glory when I walk across the stage to get my diploma. I KNOW He has begun a good work in me and I KNOW He will be faithful to complete it. I know He will help me each step of the way.

No matter the outcome.... I will trust in YOU.

distractions...

Today was supposed to be a day spent studying. A day to accomplish a lot in the realm of learning. Well what I learned was NOT Chemistry. What I learned was that our Father is amazing. Yes, I already knew that but I just have been amazed lately at how He doesn't always care about what we think our schedule should hold. The last couple of days He has taken me to blogs of mom's who have lost a child. Yesterday during what I thought would be a brief study break, He had me explain our story of loosing Gerad to a friend from high school and to pray with her about her fear of her daughter driving a couple of hours away to a game.... only to address my own fears a short time later.

Distractions are things that keep us from our goal. A definition I found is: "that which distracts, divides the attention, or prevents concentration". Sometimes this is a bad thing because we loose focus. Granted, I have lost focus and will need to spend a lot of time catching up but.... sometimes I believe God allows the distractions to get us to see that life is more then just checking off things on our "to do" lists. Life is about taking time to read blogs of hurting people, to weep with those who weep, to listen to fears and to take the time to pray over those fears on instant message... Life is about seeing the Hand of the Father directing your every step and trusting Him for the rest.

I guess my point in this post is just this... thank you Lord for the distractions that broaden my scope of things. Thank you for reminding me that there are people who need prayer and encouraging words. Thank you Lord for the reminder that you are never to busy to hear our hurts and our hearts. Thank you that you take the time to listen. Thank you Lord that you will now redeem my study time and that since you are the Master Teacher you will infuse me with your great wisdom and understanding!

kindness...

"Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
Martha Schlaback

I love when the Lord gives you a practical application to something He shows you. As I read this little quote this morning I had to smile because right before I got to it, I was thinking of a situation that came about yesterday afternoon in the cafeteria. I had watched out the window to see a blind woman getting out of a van, as her ride dropped her off at the door. I have seen several blind students around campus but this one in particular caught my eye as I wondered how they do everything without sight. As she disappeared from my view I marveled at how they use their canes and counting steps to get through life. I went back to studying and after a few minutes I heard clicking against chairs. As I looked up and saw this same blind woman as she attempted to make her way through the tables and chairs. Clearly, things were out of place and she was becoming confused as to where she was. I watched her as she stopped to listen to the sounds around her so she could figure out where she was in the room. She turned around and started walking toward a back corner and I knew... she needed some assistance. I approached her and gently touched her arm as I spoke. "Is there someplace I can help you find?" and she smiled at me the sweetest smile. She was intending to go to Student Services and wasn't sure how she had ended up in the cafeteria. She was thinking it was closed. As we began walking I explained where we were and that yes, the cafeteria was open. She told me she would like to get a bottle of pop then so I lead her to the register and got one for her. I waited behind her as she paid. It was one of those moments where you wonder if you should help more or leave to let her handle it on her own. Not wanting to abandon her, I stood and waited. As the gal at the register asked me if I needed anything I told her no, that I was just helping. I asked the blind woman if she knew how to get to Student Services from here and gave her a point of direction from where she was to where she needed to go. As I walked away I asked Jesus to help her get to where she needed to go and that someone would be helpful and kind to her.

I couldn't help but think of the scripture that talks about when you help someone you may be helping an angel. The amazing thing was, though, I was so blessed to have been able to help her find her way. It spoke to my heart in ways I can't put into words. Even now as I'm typing this tears come to my eyes. It wasn't so much about being nice to someone, it was more about being Jesus in a moment in time, in a real and tangible way. What a blessing it was to me... to see my daughter's words to me lived out. "There are people out there who need you Mom. They need your touch and they need to hear your story and they need the Jesus that's on the inside of you."

As I live my life now as a student among so many new faces, daily I am reminded about how the Presence of God goes with me and how I carry His Presence to that campus. It was Jesus who touched the woman's arm. It was Jesus who led the way. It was Jesus who got up when others just sat and ignored her struggles. Oh dear Jesus, help me to see that there are so many people there who are spiritually blind and looking for their way. Help me to be a light there. Help me to get up and go to them and not be like those who just ignore the struggles of others. Help me to daily, touch the life of an angel.

"How will they know unless you tell them?" How will they know unless you touch them? How will they know He loves them unless you love them? How will they know?

Today speak the language of kindness that goes beyond words.