Friday, July 22, 2011

one of "those" days....

This morning I woke up with a killer headache and was so sore and stiff. Not a good way to start the day. I had class at 9:00 and I think that was part of the problem... I went to bed a little cranky about the assignment that was due today. Basically I was feeling like I was going to have to defend my beliefs and faith in God. First, I'm not a fan of debating how I feel with someone and second... it would be with other people around. I think inside my spirit was stressed and that was the reason behind waking up the way I did. Well... it set me in kind of a cranky mood from the beginning... not a good way to start the day... unfortunately the headache and soreness stuck with me throughout the day.

When I went into work the headache was still lingering and one of the managers could tell something was up by the look on my face. She told me I could leave early so I was thankful when the time came that I could leave.

Now here's the deal... when I was on my way home I had the urge to get some ice cream. It seems to be my current "feel better" treat. I've been asking God to help me with my food issues... to show me when I'm about to cave in "I'm made for more" ... and to make me aware of my triggers. As I was on my way up the hill to McD's to get some ice cream I heard His whisper say, "You were made for more." Just like Lysa had talked about in MTC (Made to Crave). And as I was turning the corner I responded in my heart, "... but I really just want some ice cream and some down time." After I went through the drive-thru I sat in the parking lot and began to eat my ice cream. I pulled out a little devotional book I have in my purse and... it's just like God to do this... my book-marked spot opened to this:

There is a Way
(Overcoming hopelessness and mediocrity)

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape...." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

I was convicted as I read these words.

The devotional went on to talk about how "God has a way to get you from disaster into the blessing of His will.... there is also a way to get out of the temptation to stay mediocre or average in life or ministry."

I realized as I was reading this that I had disregarded the whisper of the Holy Spirit... I had disregarded the way of escape He had provided for me... I had chosen instead to stay in mediocrity... I had blatantly chosen to what I desired over choosing to walk in victory.

As I sat and pondered on these words and on my actions... I realized I had pacified my pent up anger and frustrations of the day with ice cream rather than seeking Him first. I had chosen to get the ice cream first. Maybe if I would have listened to His voice and seen the way of escape ahead of time... if I would have chosen to read the devotional BEFORE getting the ice cream... I could have stepped beyond mediocre and average into the blessing of victory.

I repented... and was truly sorry for not listening to His voice. He paralleled it with when I tell my thoughts to one of my kids and they choose to do what they want instead... I feel disappointed. I knew that I had disappointed my Father... but then... I felt His love and grace. Just like I still love my kids even when they don't listen... I knew in that moment He still loves me.

Once again.... Lord, please forgive me for giving into my flesh and choosing the mediocre way instead of the better way. Please forgive me for not taking Your way of escape. Thank You for loving me and for Your gentle discipline. May I remember this the next time I hear You whisper... "you are made for more" and may I willingly choose Your way of escape instead of my own selfish way.

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