After the show ended and I shut it off, I heard the Lord speak to my heart, "It all begins with a lie." The enemy comes in and whispers to your heart. If you grab hold of the lie... soon it becomes the truth you believe. I went for a walk to hear what God was saying to me about the lies I have believed. He talked to me yesterday about setting me free from the fear and anxieties I have held onto over the years. So today, as I was putting on my shoes I asked Him where the lie came in that planted the seed of fear. Once again we went back in time to where I was a little girl. I was deeply hurt at a time where my zeal for the Lord was strong. I had wanted to share with my friends at school the good things that God had done in my heart the night before... and it turned ugly. I became afraid of them and what they would do next. More than anything, I became afraid to share with anyone else what God had done in my life... I became afraid to share anything really deep with anyone. The lie I believed was that if I shared my heart and my joy... if I shared my passion and my hope with others... I would get hurt. I would be ridiculed. I would be made fun of. So I became afraid. Afraid of sharing the deepest most personal part of me. My faith in Christ.
When I got back from my walk I stood in the sunshine for a little bit and just listened. I felt the warmth of His love as He told me not to be afraid, that He was here with me and He would never leave me or forsake me. He told me not everyone would respond that way and that there were people in my life that needed to hear about Him and what He has done in me. I told Him I was sorry for being afraid and for believing the lie. He showed me that those girls believed a lie too. They were afraid of the light that was shinning from me that morning. The enemy... was afraid of the Light that was shinning. The enemy wanted to silence me because he knew that if I shared the joy of my salvation, the joy of my heart, the love I had for Christ... there would be people who would believe. So he silenced me. For all these years.
As I came to sit down at my computer to write I was reminded of the verse that's at the top of this blog. God chose me. I am HIS daughter. I am HIS. As a result, I can show others the goodness of God... but not just show them by living my life before them. He wants me to TELL them... TELL them about His goodness and His grace... TELL them how He has set me free and rescued me... TELL them about His love... TELL them about the Truth that will set them free.
For GOD has said:
"I will never fail you.
I will never abandon you."
So we (I) can say with confidence,
"The LORD is my helper,
so I will have NO fear.
What can mere people do to me?"
Lord, please forgive me for being afraid all these years. Please forgive me for keeping you locked up tight in my heart. Please forgive me for not sharing your goodness with those around me. Your love is not just for me... it's for everyone around me. I ask now, Lord, that You would break the power of the lies and that You would release my tongue to boldly speak about You. Give me the right words so I can boldly speak and explain the Good News of what You have done in my life... It's not just for Christians to hear about but it's for the lost to hear about as well. Empower me to speak Your truth to those around me. In Your Name I ask... and believe it will be done. Amen.