school...

Several friends have strongly urged me to write again. I know it helps me process but sometimes I feel I get too wordy here. But because I am attempting to obey the Lord... please bear with me as I write out my processing thoughts. :)

So many things have happened with school in the last week. I could focus this post on the "negative" but tonight since it's my first night to write about it... I want to focus on the "positive"... on the 15 gifts called my fellow classmates.

There are 8 males and 7 females that entered my life last August and to many of them I have become "mom". I love how we have adopted each other. One of the male students is like a brother to me. Another one has this great voice and he has charm that makes me smile every time. Another is a cute little Asian guy that probably if I would have been able to adopt... would have been one I would have taken in. The girls... are like my daughters. I worry when they don't show up for class and I know it's because they were foolish the night before. They love my hugs when their hearts are hurting. And sometimes... I get to step inside their world and just... listen. This mix of people have been my brothers, my kids, and my friends for the last 8 months... and I love them dearly.

One time when I was having coffee with a friend she shined a light bulb on something that came back to me tonight as I was thinking about all of them. "What a neat thing that God would bring you so many 'kids'... sons to fill the gap of the one you lost and daughters to give you hugs when you're missing your own." They have been a gift given to me from the Lord and for that... I am truly thankful.

They are moving on ahead of me and I am missing them already. It's so hard watching your kids grow up and move on in life and now I feel like my adopted kids are moving on too. While part of me is sad and shedding tears... I know that just as it is for my real children, God has great plans for my adopted kids as well and hopefully... someday... we will see each other once again.

morning thoughts....

In my home... everything is not put away, the floor needs to be scrubbed and daily... there are dishes to be done. Since I'm gone with school so much, things tend to slide at home but I know in 5 weeks I will begin to clean like I haven't cleaned in a long while.

In the meantime... I find that cleaning up the kitchen gives me a sense of accomplishment. Or baking a batch of cookies for someone... or a batch of bread for my guys. These are things I do well. These are things where... I know my efforts are seen and appreciated.

However, as I look around... I see there is still so much that I need to do... but it has to wait until the semester is over.

At school... I study... hard. I spend hours studying for a test... that I barely pass and I walk away feeling like I don't know much at all. There are times I walk out of a test and feel like... is it really worth it?

As I was doing dishes this morning (putting off heading to school)... I realized I was hiding in the safety of my home. I was staying where things are safe and comfortable. I was staying where I know no matter what I get done... it's appreciated. However, out there... in the real world... at school... things are hard and at times I don't want to go and at times... I feel defeated.

What God showed me this morning was in the safety of my home... I affect my family even in small ways and that's important. At school... out in the real world... I am affecting others... even in small ways and that's important too. In home and in life.. I may not always get it right and I might not be the perfect student or home maker but... in the little things... I am touching people's lives and THAT's what God has called me to.