New things...

I'm SOOO excited! Tonight was the first night of my English Composition class!! 

For those of you that are not aware, I attended a writer's conference in June and came home with the intent of enrolling in an English class to further my writing abilities. At one point, I thought this goal was going to have to wait until December but then God re-directed things and walked me through this door now. When I went a couple of weeks ago and registered... I can't explain the feeling that came over me as I walked out. I was excited beyond belief! It was such a great feeling of KNOWING I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do.

Tonight as I walked in and took a seat in the front row I just grinned! It was like a dream come true for me. I want to be a good writer and I want to be able to share my story in a way that glorifies God. I am so looking forward to learning more about writing and how to improve my writing skills. 

One thing that was also cool about all of this is, when I was looking at English classes and such, I began to feel that I could apply this to a degree as well so... I will be taking a second class on Saturday afternoons to improve my keyboarding skills. This shouldn't be too tough for me since I'm on the computer ALL the time but I'm sure there are still things I will learn. These two classes will help me work toward an Associates degree as an Administrative Assistant. Once I'm done, I will be able to go anywhere the Lord may lead. For now, though, I hope it will help me at my current job as well as the Event Coordinator position I've applied for and hope to get.

All in the Lord's leading and timing... Still, I'm SO excited about this little step in furthering my writing!! So get ready... there are about to be new and improved posts on this little blog!!

Good night all and may you be richly blessed like I have been tonight!

Bonnelle

Amazed...

Lord I'm amazed by You. 

Your goodness and grace overwhelm me at times. I went to my friend Renee's blog this morning because I read her story on how she found God's unconditional love yesterday and wanted to leave a post there on my experience. However, as I read through all the posts of the previous 29 women, I was blessed and left without words. All I could do was praise Him for His wonderful love and grace! 

Even now I sit in awe of Him. How He could love us SO much and how His mercies continue to be new each morning. How He takes the time to guide and direct each of our steps and He watches over us with great care. I'm just so amazed by Him. 

This has been a rough week for me... stress level has been high but I find it's been that way for a lot of people. Thank you Lord for a 3 day weekend to just sit and be still at Your feet. To take time to rest and just BE. Thank You for Your love and grace that carries each of us daily. Bring rest to those who need Your rest, peace to those who need peace and comfort for those in need of comfort. Draw us to Your side and fill us up with Your love. 

I just am SO amazed by You.

Wednesday ponderings...

Good morning, 

So I have noticed my posts have been rather wordy lately! I'll try to make this shorter... (it will be since I need to get ready for work!)

My thoughts today of course are with my friend Tammy and her son Nick as their battle continues. This morning as I commented on her blog I shared this passage with her:

Joshua 1:14-15:

But your strong warriors, fully armed, must lead the other tribes across the Jordan to help them conquer their territory. Stay with them until the Lord gives them rest, as He has given you rest, and until they too, possess the land the Lord your God is giving them. 

That would be why God brings us through difficult times in our lives... so we can then turn around and, fully armed with the armor of God, help bring them through to their land of rest. I'm standing firm with Tammy by her side even though I'm miles upon miles away from her. I wonder... who does God want you to stand with until they find their land of rest?

Love,

Bonnelle

Tuesday reflections...

As I've been pondering on what the Lord revealed to me over the last seven days of our Jericho march/walk I've gone back through the passages and noted scriptures that spoke to me. I journaled some last week but this is like a new perspective... I feel... reflective on what the Lord has done in my own heart over the past seven days. 

Joshua 1:3 & 5:

"Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you ... I will not fail you or abandon you."

I have an interview tomorrow for the Event Coordinator position that I've applied for at work. Yes, this is the job I would really like to get. It would be something totally different from what I've been doing the last 8 years and it would be a fun way to take the strengths and talents that God has placed on the inside of me and use them in new ways. This is the 'first round' interview and I feel fairly confident with this one because I'm friends with one of the people who will be doing the interview and I know she really wants me to get this job. The big one though will be the 'second' interview which will be with the actual guy that I would be working for. I pray that I will find favor in his eyes and that he would choose me.

Today when I was reading this passage again after work it stood out to me yet again. I just felt the Lord speaking to me to let me know that I can take a deep breath and just trust Him in this. I don't want to stay where I'm at. I want to cross over to new places and new things I believe God desires to give to me. I want to follow Him in everything I do, even in my job. 

If you have read other posts of mine you would have seen that work has been rather stressful for me lately. Today as I was walking and praying during my lunch the Lord showed me how He's brought me to a point of where I don't want to stay in my department any longer and He's provided a way out by having me train two other associates on my job and all I have become really good at. I've been working on a huge project with several other departments and that is now implemented and the new process is being worked and has gone well so far (on our end). Now, my day basically consists of doing little things to help out my Manager and Assistant Manager and those things will soon be done by other people as well. The timing is amazing and gives me great hope that this new job is already mine.... it's the waiting that is always hard. During the waiting, the enemy comes in and says, "What if they don't choose you, then what will you do?" I've backed out of the Series 7 (I haven't turned the book in and my manager has me on a 'sabbatical' while she's on vacation but Monday when she comes back I'm turning in my book. When the enemy whispers in my ear that question I waver momentarily but then I come back to this verse. 

Daily, sometimes moment by moment, I have to put on the full armor of God.

Ephesians 6:13-18:

Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor (breastplate) of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Last Wednesday I had to actually go into a room at work and walk through putting the armor of God on. I was about to be offered a position I didn't want and I felt I was about to let down my Senior Manager (who was my manager for the majority of the time I've worked there). I didn't want to let him down but at the same time I didn't want what he was about to offer. I had to tell him before they made their final selections and I panicked for a few minutes (and cried a little). I went into this little room and cried and prayed and then the Lord began to speak to my heart about why I was feeling this way and that I needed to stand up and put my armor on so I could stand firm in this situation. I did just that and as I put each piece on and this wave of peace flooded over me and God gave me the words to say and I knew there was no way I could do anything else but turn him down! It was really a powerful moment for me. I went out and went to his desk and we went to go talk about it. I explained my feelings and he wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing and when he could see my mind was made up he was fine with it and said he would pull my name out of the running. He did tell me though that I had interviewed very well and that I was at the top of the list. I thanked him for his confidence in me and he went on to tell me that if I was interested in any other positions to be sure and let him know and if there was anything he could do to help me out, he would do it. I told him about this other position I have applied for that and even though I don't think he has much sway with this other guy it really helped me to know he supported me. I walked out of that room standing firm and it was such a wonderful feeling.

When the enemy tries to come in and whisper the "what if's" to me... I have to just go back to this verse and put on the armor all over again. The peace comes back and I know I can trust the Lord to be with me in the interviews that lie ahead. I believe he has given me this position and I look forward to new territory.

If you're reading this and the devil whispers the "what if's" in your life and situations, I encourage you to put on the full armor of God and in doing so, the Lord will empower you with His peace and assurance that He is with you and will not fail you or abandon you.

Love,

Bonnelle

Monday mornings...

Ah... Monday mornings... they are always a challenge for me. The getting up after a weekend that seemed too short... this happens every Monday morning. I don't really want to be up and yet... my alarm clock goes off and tells me it's that time again. 

I haven't posted in a while for a couple of reasons.

Last week I was participating in a Jericho march/walk for Nick & Natalie, two beautiful children with cancer. We were challenged to join together with a multitude of people in lifting up these children and their families to the Father, praying for healing and seeing miracles take place. One of the things about this march/walk was to not share what you were receiving from the Lord until the last day... it was... powerful. 

The other reason is because it was Brittney's last week at home... we took her to John Brown University over the weekend. It was so strange to just leave her there and come back home. Twice she and I have gone down there to see the school but this time... to actually leave her there... was a totally different experience. Mixed emotions ran through me as we said our good-byes. Crazy how it seems that one minute they are little and the next... all grown up! 

This morning though as I was going through my usual stops on the internet I came to my friend Lysa's blog where she talked about the verse we all know that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" and I was once again blessed by the Lord and His goodness. I so appreciated the reminder that He will take care of everything from my kids to the children I have come to love through my friend Tammy. All I really have to do or can do is trust in HIM to take care of them and work in their lives. I can't lean on what I think is best or on what I want but only on HIM. 

One little piece I will share from the Jericho march/walk and the scriptures I read daily was how the Isrealites were told not to say anything each time they walked around the wall. They were told they could only shout on the last time, the last day. What struck me about that is that they were obedient. That's all... they didn't do anything in themselves except obey the command of the Lord. One night I wondered if the Isrealites ever saw the 'impossible-ness' of the wall. Did they ever just see the wall and see it as HUGE and wonder how walking around it was going to make a difference? In the end, we know that the wall came down but they didn't... they just trusted in the Lord and didn't lean on their own understanding... How many times do we walk around something and only see what we think is impossible, insurmountable? So many times we just see what we see. BUT GOD sees so much more and His ways are higher than our ways. 

Lord help me to trust you fully and not lean on my own understanding. Help me to know that no matter what I see or feel, You have it covered and that's all that really matters. Thank You for SO much more than what I can put into words this morning. You are truly... an awesome God!

Bonnelle

A final word...

Ephesians 6:10

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power."

Sometimes... that's all you need for the day but then, if that's not enough there's this:

Joshua 1:9

"This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

What is important to remember, is that this kind of strength is not a physical strength... Be strong in the Lord and in HIS mighty power. You have to rely on HIS strength and power to accomplish great things. You can't rely on what you can do because in so many situations there's really nothing we CAN do but rely on His strength & mighty power. What's awesome though is the promise... the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Praying tonight for my friend Tammy & her son... Tammy had to have an emergency appendectomy today and is currently in the hospital. What a crazy deal for them! Lord, I pray that you would touch her heart and bring her peace. Let her rest tonight in YOUR strength & mighty power and may she rest in the fact that YOU are with her wherever she is. Help her to just REST in you.

Bonnelle

Clarification...

Last night as I was typing an explanation for Tobiah & Sanballat (see previous post) when new revelation dawned and brought clarification to the Tobiah & Sanballat in my life.

My Tobiah & Sanballat aren't necessarily people like my friends in Wisconsin or at work, because the Bible says we do not fight against flesh and blood. The Lord revealed to me that my Tobiah & Sanballat are in the spiritual realm and they are really fear & intimidation. It's a tool the enemy uses against me quite frequently. The enemy comes in and whispers all sorts of things like the lies I wrote about the other night... 

The verse in Nehemiah 4:2 - "What does this bunch of poor, feeble Jews think they're doing? Do they think they can build the wall in a single day by just offering a few sacrifices? Do they actually think they can make something of stones from a rubbish heap - and charred ones at that?' Tobiah goes on to say in verse 3 "That stone wall would collapse if even a fox walked along the top of it!" What are the lies you hear in your head? I hear... "What do you think you're doing?" at times when I'm fasting and seeking God on things I hear, "Do you really think this works?" at times when I'm trying to stand firm on something I believe in I hear, "That won't work! It will collapse and then where will you be?" or "Do you really think God can take the pieces of your burned out tired life and make something out of it?", "You're just poor and feeble, who do you think you are?"

See, the enemy whispers in my ear and what I have to do is continue to stand on the word of the Lord. Tobiah & Sanballat aren't necessarily the 'people' in my life... I'm reminded of the card from She Speaks that listed all those things, "Fear, Doubt, Discouragement, Criticism" (there were more)... I wish I had that CD to listen to right now! It's the things the enemy whispers in our ears to keep us from moving forward in the call of God on our life. See when I came back from the conference in June I felt I was supposed to take an English class, that God was re-enforcing the desire I had to write and that He was telling me that because of all He had done in my life that I could share about it and tell others about His goodness. And then studying for this exam at work came up and I was approved to enter this 'class' at work and all I had gained from the conference went on a shelf... again.

I realized last night that studying is coming between my and my family. I work 8-9 hours a day, then go and study for another 3-4 and by the time my family sees me I'm tired and there's nothing left. My family is more important to me then my job. I need to spend time building up the hedge of protection around my family rather than seeing it crumble. What I realized last night was that I was allowing fear & intimidation to hold me in something that I don't really want to do.

The purpose behind the 7 is so you can eventually talk to clients about investments. I don't want to do that. I'm not looking to be a manager or even an assistant manager because the ones I see at work have become so stressed out and that stress has already begun to pile on me. Really taking the 7 is just a waste of time for me because it opens up doors I really don't have any desire to go through. What I would really like to do is by an assistant for someone - basically be a secretary. One of my strengths is to be a supportive person. I would really love to be this "Event Coordinator" at work and schedule meetings and take notes. =) It sounds so much easier and I've learned this week that his family is very important to him. They were making flight arrangements for him and he insisted on being back for his boys' first day of school and he refused to miss it. I remember when I started working at Ameritrade family was important. They didn't have over-time because they felt it was more important to spend time with your families in the evenings. Somehow, it feels like it's gotten away from that. I'm not saying this new job will be perfect and I know there will be stress there too but what I'm saying is I don't think I'm supposed to keep studying for the Series 7. I've been afraid of turning my book in because I didn't want to disappoint my Manager & Sr Manager because I know this was their way of helping me get the raise I deserve. I know their intent behind it is to help me move up in the company but I really don't want to keep doing the same things I've been doing for the last 8 years. Something my manager has been saying quite a bit to me lately is that they're looking for people who will put forth more effort than just coming and doing your job until 4:30 and leaving. They want people to put forth more effort and do the things required to gain advancement and the rewards that go along with that. But see, the thing is, that's what I've been doing for the last 3 years and it hasn't gotten me anywhere and now they want more from me? I don't think so!! 

Today is my anniversary and I want to spend the day with my husband. Brittney leaves next week for college and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Josiah is in a big transition now too and he needs my support and love. This is what's important to me. Not my job... 

Anyone who reads this blog I ask that you would pray for me. Pray for God's direction to be clear and that I wouldn't let fear & intimidation & doubt continue to whisper in my ear. Pray that I hear the Lord's voice over the lies and that His path is made clear to me in the days ahead. Pray for strength and courage to rise up inside of me and that I would stand firm on what I believe is important to God. 

Bonnelle