God has a plan...

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord... 11 years ago God spoke this verse to my heart so loud and so clear... it got me through the most difficult time of my life... the loss of our son. Many times over the course of the years He brings it back to my rememberance... as a reminder that no matter how things look, He has a plan. Sometimes though, I don't always see it when I am in the midst of the terrible storms of life.... 

In looking back over the last several months, after I cried all the tears, there were many times I struggled but in the struggling part of me tried to see God in the midst of everything. Even though I didn't understand... somewhere I knew that God MUST have a plan in this. There are some things I still don't understand but slowly I am beginning to see some good come of this. Like, my friend's husband now works with a man who is a Christian and has lunch with him every day. That was the most amazing thing to me and it blessed me so much! 

After interviewing for another department almost three weeks ago, I came out of the interview unsure of what the outcome would be. Daily I would ask God for HIS wisdom and direction. Specifically I would ask Him to please close the door where He didn't want me to be. I was open to whatever the decision would be whether that meant I was to stay in my department or move on to something new. In the midst of my waiting I received this amazing award that still overwhelms me at times. By the end of last week, with no word on the position I interviewed for and feeling less and less like I wanted it, I again asked the Lord to close the door if that wasn't where He wanted me. Like Abraham I told Him, if you don't go with me then I don't want to go at all. I also was beginning to feel that to take the new position would almost be like a slap in the face for all those people who SO wanted me to be selected for the award I had received... I was torn. I was willing to stay but I was willing to leave too.... 

Monday I finally received the email that stated that someone else had been selected for the position and I felt... RELIEF and thankfulness. One by one I began telling people that I was staying and each time... they were happy.... and I was truly happy as well. It was so strange because at one point I was asking God why I had felt so strongly that I was to let go of what once was and step into something new... when I wasn't going anywhere. I began to see that while I might not be leaving my department... I AM going somewhere.... "the waters are no longer stagnant" as I was told in my Saturday morning Bible Study. 

I believe that in the moment in the stairwell when He told me to let go of all that I had been holding so tightly to... and as I released what had been.... a change took place in my heart... and I stepped into the plan God has for me. I'm not sure where all this will go but one thing I do know... God has a plan. While I may not understand what He's doing... I know that I can trust Him.... and I know that no matter what... He IS with me.

What an awesome, comforting thing to know that God has a plan and that He IS walking each step with me. He's so good and so faithful! 

Sadie...

Hmmm... I think we all look for someone (live and in person) to ask our questions to because... like Eve, we want answers and understanding! Sometimes though... it's nice to have a place to go and ask our questions... just to throw it out there for multiple opinions at once.

I have this bloggy-friend who has stopped over here from time to time and I, likewise, have stopped over to her blog from time to time. This bloggy-friends name is Sheryl and she has an amazing story. I don't know all of it but I do know that she is an inspiration and I know she hears the Lord when He speaks. She is trusting Jesus in this new journey her life has her on... A life of singleness... following hand in hand with the One who loves her most. She is starting this new day with a new blog titled "Go Ask Sadie". You can find a link to her blog in my Blogroll to the right or click here (if it works) http://goasksadie.blogspot.com where you can ask Sadie (her alter ego) any question you might have. Currently, there is a give away going on and even if I don't win, I admire her heart to obey the Lord and GIVE even when she doesn't have much to give. 

May God richly bless Sheryl in her New Day!!

this week in review...

"Don't be afraid for I AM with you. I AM with when things are going well and I AM with you when things appear to not be going well. In any and every situation you encounter... remember... Don't be afraid for I AM with you."

The Father has been whispering these words to me on many occasions recently but it seems especially so this week. When my heart is pounding and anxious thoughts are racing through my head I hear, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you". When things are going well and I'm a little suspicious... I hear, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you". When I'm afraid I may have messed up in some way I hear, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you and I will take care of everything". It has amazed me how each time... a peace flooded my heart. 

This week has been rather interesting to say the very least. In the midst of a HUGE amount of money passing before my eyes a man walks down my row and congratulates me. Now, this man isn't just any man. This man is former military and walks with much authority. I have always been a little afraid of him because he's one of the big-wigs. "Why is he congratulating me?", I wonder. I am most confused and dumbfounded but of course I just say, "Thank you". Someone wants to take my picture with him? WHY? What's going on? These questions are racing through my mind but I simply say, "Oh, okay" and stand up to have my picture taken. I make a little joke only to notice my entire department has now stood up and is looking at me... mind you this is not just a few people but a LOT of people are all looking at me!! Embarrassment flushes my face and I quickly take my seat. "What's this for?" Someone asks me but I still have no idea what's going on! When my manager tells me I've won I am in shock!! I was nominated by my peers as someone who is outstanding in service and leadership and I won! Now, this is amazing because no one from our department has won this award and what this means for our department, our team is HUGE! At first (not to sound ungrateful or anything) I was horrified because I had wanted my assistant manager to win for all the turmoil she has carried us through the last several months! Surely someone had made a mistake! Since the week has progressed I realize.... what a significant honor this is.... and I feel like Joseph must have felt when Potiphar asked him to be the 2nd in command. All this recognition has been hard for me to handle because for nine years I have just gone about my job... doing my job.... for my bosses and for the Lord. To suddenly be recognized is almost more then I can comprehend. I'm still a little overwhelmed. 

I don't share all of this to proclaim my greatness or anything like that I just share this because I saw this week the evidence of the favor of the Lord on my life and... there's a scripture that talks about having favor with God and man... and I feel like I'm walking in that and I am amazed at the goodness of God. 

Later in the week there was a moment of fear when I saw my name in the middle of a long email chain addressed to several of the upper level management team. I really wish I would stop receiving all this attention because I am only human and I do make mistakes! (Lord knows I do!!) Fear floods my heart and mind and suddenly I hear the Father whisper in my ear again, "Don't be afraid for I AM with you and will take care of you no matter what the circumstances." I realized in that moment that whether I receive the highest honors or whether I loose my job for some mistake... the Lord IS with me and will ALWAYS fight for me and watch out for me. If lies are spoken about me... "No weapon formed against me will prosper". If I receive recognition, it's for the Glory of the Lord. Either way... He IS with me! 

Today I saw the verse played out that says, "Vengence is mine says the Lord". We were informed that the person responsible for causing so much chaos in our department was let go. While I'm sorry she lost her job, there is also a part of me that knows, the Lord judged the unrighteous behavior and decisions this person had been making over the course of the last several months. I thought about how I would feel if I lost my job and I realized that even in those circumstances, the Lord is with me and He is my source and most importantly I have the assurance that He IS with me. 

Here I am this evening amazed at the Hand of God... amazed at His goodness... amazed at how HE turns things around for our good and His Glory... amazed and comforted by the fact that the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Lord God Almighty IS with me. He walks with me and talks with me and shares each and every moment of my days. I am amazed at His love for me. I am amazed that He has time for little me and I'm amazed that He really does care about every little detail of my life. I am amazed that He loves me and will ALWAYS be with me.

I pray that you will see His goodness in such amazing and tangible ways. I pray that if you are going through a hard time that you will just... hold onto His Hand for He loves and cares for you SO much. I know that He will take care of you and He will shield you in the midst of the storm you are facing. When things look the darkest... hold on because "Here comes the Son" and it will be all right. 

It's been a good week! FINALLY!!! Thank you Jesus for ALL you have done for me. Thank you for your hand that's upon me and may this award only bring Glory to YOUR name!! I lay it at YOUR feet because all the glory and honor and recognition goes to you. 

ah... the silence...

Sometimes there's nothing like the quiet of the house... well almost quiet. Doug's fish tank next to me needs to be filled so it's a little on the noisey side!

In thinking about silence tonight I was thinking on how to some... the silence can be a little frightening. They hear strange noises and are filled with fear. To some... the silence is peaceful and calming from all the noise that surrounds. I like times by myself because work is filled with stress and questions and at home... I see so much to do or I have people talking to me. I like the quiet though because in those moments... I hear Jesus whisper in my ear and when I don't... I feel His presence and it comforts me. 

Sometimes, though, in the silence His voice speaks deeply to my heart and I am face to face with my sin... like last night. I had shared information that wasn't really necessary to share and I was convicted by the sin of gossip. As I was walking into class the Lord started speaking to my heart. I repented of sharing things I shouldn't share and thought, "bad habits are hard to break"... and this scripture began to roll through my head:

"I want to do what is right but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway..." 

This was always a brain-twister for me because I couldn't grasp it but last night... I did and it was like the two-edge sword His word is... However, this is the next part:

"I have discovered this principle of life - that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably, do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now... there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Sprit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death."  (Romans 7:18-8:2)

...and in the silence I realized... I'm just an over-weight woman who gossips and worries when I should trust but Thank God! Jesus Christ is my answer and He can save me from this sin and death! ... oh to trust Him more!

I am a sinner saved by His grace and I am Chosen and loved by Him!

Hallelujah!

listening... in the silence...

Today my mind raced with questions... where do You want me Lord? Have I learned all that You have wanted me to learn from this hard place? Are You calling me out or am I just looking for the easy way? What do You want me to do? Where are You in the midst of all of this? The only answer I have received was to the last question... Where are You? "I am right here with You."

I went to shadow with the potential new team this afternoon and once I was finished I went to the truck and called my husband. I just want to be where God wants me to be and right now... I'm not really sure where that is. I'm not sure if this opportunity is from God or if it's a distraction. Will it be a blessing or a catastrophe? 

A couple of things have been brought across my path... blogs on waiting and then an article this morning on clutter and chaos... so I'm pondering... on the basics once again.

In the midst of clutter there is chaos. When things are out of order, when we have too much clutter going on in our houses... there is chaos. It's the same in our hearts. When there are too many activities and too much "stuff"... we feel overwhelmed and like things are in turmoil.... chaos. The article discussed "spring cleaning" tips. From a spiritual standpoint though the only way to find peace in the midst of chaos is to be still... to take time to focus on what's really important and He will help You sort out what needs to go.... What things have I allowed to build up that really aren't necessary? What things am I holding on to... things I think are important... which really aren't? 

To borrow the prayer posted by Wendy Blight on her blog... I've changed the we/our's to I/my:

"Heavenly Father, I kneel before Your throne in heaven knowing You are the God of Heaven's Armies, the Great I AM, the Almighty God. I do believe in You. I love You, Lord. But in my place of wait, in my place of sorrow and confusion, I need help with my unbelief. Help me to surrender my questions to You, to really and truly leave them with You. Help me to trust in You with all of my heart, to lean not on my own understanding (or the understanding of others like friends, family, bosses) but in all my ways, help me acknowledge You and believe You when You promise that You will direct my path. Direct my path today, Lord. In clear and obvious ways, reveal that You are at work in the midst of everything. Thank You that You care deeply about every detail of my life. Thank You that You are sovereign over every circumstance. Thank You that You are never surprised. Thank You that You are ABLE. I will wait on Your wisdom, direction and a might work of Your Hand." It just seemed so fitting. 

My own prayer is:

"Dear Father, in the midst of all the chaos raging around me, help me to stop and re-focus my eyes on You. Help me to remember to give thanks to You for you ARE good. Thank You that Your love is faithful and endures forever. Thank You that Your word promises over and over to me that when I am distressed I can pray to You and You will answer me and set me free. Thank You that You are always for me so I really don't have anything to be afraid of. Thank You that You will help me in every situation, every circumstance that comes my way. I know that not everything is for me to understand and that most of the time... I just have to trust You. To lean on and rely on You and not my own understanding. Thank You for reminding me that it is always better to take refuge in You rather than to trust in people to protect me. With all my heart I want Your blessing... please close the doors that You don't want me to go through... close them so no man can open them and open the doors You want me to go through... I will wait for Your wisdom, Your direction... Show me Your ways... Your path.... I will trust in You as I wait for You..."

Work hard. Take a break. Long Weeked...

I am on a long weekend - four days off - due to the encouragement of several people to take some time off from work. One of my work friends talks to me about having some "me" time during my days off... So for the last hour or so I have had some quiet time catching up on some of my favorite blogs. It's been wonderful!

In my reading time... the first one I visited was Felicity's. The first post I read inspired my title of today's post. I love reading her blog because she has such great thoughts... she's really an intelligent woman and has such a busy life with all her little kids! 

The second blog I visited was Serenity's. I love her blog because she talks about her family but then throws in little things about what she loves. On Serenity's blog I was reminded of the song, "Here comes the Sun" and Natasha Richardson... (I always will remember her in Parent Trap too) While reading her post about the song and sunny days coming after the hard days of grief and loss... the Lord gave me this cool version of the title... Here comes the Son... In the midst of our dark days... eventually His light breaks through and reminds us of His goodness and His presence... Here comes the Son! and I smiled... 

Then I went to Kathy's (she's their mom)... I'm so blessed by these women and so very thankful that God brought them into my life. They inspire me because they are excellent writer's and wonderful mother's. They love their children and their God and they tell about... I pray that I can touch people's lives like they have touched mine without even knowing it.

Then I visited Cheri's (who introduced me to these wonderful women) and was touched by the reminder that I am not an orphan... and that God's presence is always with me. I love how God gives us verses to speak so profoundly to our hearts. I love His kindness and goodness towards us in giving us good friends to hug us in the hard times and pray us through when we are struggling. I love how through my friends He gives me little reminders of His love for me... and how He has never left me and will never leave me alone.

I just wanted to share with you these thoughts that have inspired me already this morning. What a blessing to be able to take a break and just BE... to have some "me" time in the quietness of my home.... to just read and ponder... to feel as though I have sat with several of my friends in just a short time... now I will Selah [pause and calmly think of that]! and enjoy some quiet time with my Lord and thank Him for His goodness some more... 

changes....

Changes are taking place all around me...  

Spring is trying to come forth but then... a cold snap has hit. I love spring and yet... I must wait a little longer. 

Three weeks ago I lost a second boss and dear friend at work... 

 a new manager stepped in... and now she is gone as well.

In the same three week time span I have felt a deep grief and now gradually I am beginning to feel a peace which passes all understanding flooding my heart and mind.

This week... 

Monday - I was told about a position in a different department that just opened. I contemplated and began to pray.

Tuesday - I was walking down the steps and had been asking God what to do about this new development and my team (friends) that I am so used to. I was also thinking about the defensiveness I have felt lately at work... suddenly I heard Him say to me, "There is a time to embrace and a time to let go. There was a time to embrace the people and the job you do here but now is the time to let go."  I realized I had been holding so tightly to what I know and the people I know... I had taken it all on as my own... and He was telling me it was time to let go. It is time to let the old things pass away so that new things can begin. With a deep breath I decided to complete the interest form and submit it to my new manager for her review... She left early for the day so I sent it to her after she left. 

Wednesday - Our new manager announced to the team that she had put in her resignation. She had told me the day before as she was leaving but told me she would be happy to review my interest form. We met briefly to discuss her leaving and my interest in this position and she was very encouraging. She told me she thought this would be a good move for me and she would do all she could to help me out. She added her notes to the form and submitted it shortly thereafter.

Today - One of my friends from the new department suggested I come and shadow with them. So I connected with my manager and the manager of the new department... Tuesday next week I'll go and meet the team and will see... I hope it goes well but also... I have a peace that no matter what... even if the door closes and once again I wonder if I really heard Him right... I know that He is in control and that His timing is always perfect. He has a purpose and a plan in ALL things and nothing takes Him by surprise... not even loosing three managers in 6 weeks!

Tonight I begin a much needed four day weekend. I am looking forward to the time away from work to just be able to BE. Tonight... I submit it all into His loving Hands. I cast all of my concerns, thoughts, stress, duties and LIFE in His most capable Hands and as I take a deep breath... I leave it there. Thank you Lord for taking everything and for the peace in know that You will work all things together for my good and for Your glory. I love you!!